At least she didn’t say “are you ready,” even if the meaning is the same.
And now I think I know why Sunani is really here, and why else she waited to approach me.
This is a woman who is very aware of how people see her, and how that shapes her reality. She may be sweet, but she’s not stupid. I think she is, actually, trying to help—all because Teren sat next to me today.
No, obviously I don’t want to go talk toyet more humansthat I don’t know and try to justify my existence to them; try to make them feel safe around me.
They’renotsafe.
But on the other hand: Freedom, for me, means the possibility of joy.
Ice cream is a declaration.
Of my intent; and, maybe, of how I am going to fight.
I look at Zan beside me.
We don’t exchange words, but I feel them all the same.
Today, he’s still with me.
I turn back to Sunani and say, “Yes.”
Chapter 17
Firstthingsfirst:food.
We help Teren break down his stall, which is its own education. Sunani takes her leave to deal with her own affairs, and the rest of us head to a late lunch.
Zan correctly recognizes that today I’ve spoken to more unique humans than I have ever spoken to in a single day in my life—or honestly possibly ever— and as well as I’ve managed this day has been a lot. And before I have to talk tomorehumans, I need a break.
So rather than trying out a new place for lunch, he takes me to the same one as before.
Quiet, and familiar.
As much as I like Teren, I do wish it were just me and Zan. If this is going to be our last day together...
Then again, maybe Teren’s presence will keep us from fighting over it again, even if I’m not sure that isn’t what I want.
I sit down on one side of the booth, and Zan pauses.
Across from me or next to me? The big decision.
Damn. I should have let him sit first so he couldn’t be a coward.
Before I have to say anything, though, Teren steps around Zan and physically pushes him to my side of the bench.
“No way. You two may want to gaze into each other’s eyes all lunch, but I don’t need to see it,” Teren says. Then looking at me adds, “Now you can elbow him as needed without having to punch across the table. You’re welcome.”
I snicker as Zan slides into my side without a word.
Gods bless Teren. He managed to make it not weird.
And now that I have the heat of Zan beside me, it’s all I can do not to lean into it.
Actually, you know what? Fuck it.
I lean into it, and him.
