Because if he forgot, or didn’t care enough about the consequences or what I actually want, this would be a big risk for me.
But it’s him, so it’s not.
I think he needs the words from me as much as I do from him, though, so I say softly, “Yes.”
And this timeIkisshim.
Kovan kisses me desperately, like a drowning man who has discovered air, and it completely defies understanding to me that no one has ever bothered to look at him and see him as a personand not just a sage, to touch him and not just his power, that a person as messy as me can somehow do this to him.
But I can.
Whether I understand or not, I’m not blind.
And since I can, I’m going to do more.
The man has already blown my mind. Surely it’s my turn.
So I tear myself away from him and quickly slide off of his lap. Kovan reflexively reaches for me—
—but freezes when I drop my pants and step out of them.
His eyes glow.
I smile. “Your turn.”
The sage can movefastwhen motivated. I don’t even blink but somehow his pants are gone and when I go to lie back down on the bed he catches me and sets me on top of him again.
“You lead,” Kovan tells me. “I will follow.”
This time I freeze.
All my doubts come swirling back—Ican’t be in charge, who am I to direct asage—
But then his hands, drifting up my sides, center me again.
And his eyes, steady, as Kovan says, “You can’t break me, Tasa.”
And I begin to understand that maybe I still don’t understand what a sage is capable of.
Because he can see that deeply into me, and it’s like he’s somehow reached inside me and seen the darkest parts of me and bathed them in the light of his golden gaze.
“I don’t think I’m ready yet,” I whisper.
Kovan blinks, then nods. “Understood. Do you still want to... keep touching?”
Oh! “No, wait, yes, I mean—I don’t want to stop.”
But that he would have without any drama, not withdrawing and not demanding and just confirming whatIwant—that’s heady.
Kovan’s head tilts to the side. His hands resume stroking, and I shiver as he asks in a low voice, “What do you want, Tasa?”
Not need.
Want.
Though in this moment, they feel like the same thing.
He won’t deny me. I know he won’t.
