“Too fast?” I whisper.
His lips curve in a smile that makes me want to melt into him.
“I don’t deserve the joy of you as I am now,” Kovan says.
That’s... not what I expected. “What about what I deserve?”
Gently, he tucks a lock of my hair behind my ear. “Before I take advantage of your good nature and distract you from my failures, at the very least you deserve an apology.
”Iamsorry. For making you less safe in your home. For making you feel uncertain with me.You are welcome, Tasa. Ask whatever you will of me.”
Crying is not an appropriate response to kissing, but I’m struggling to hold it back as I tighten my hold on him.
You are welcome. I so want to believein that.
I don’t, quite. I believe he means it now; I am less certain he’ll mean it in another hour or two once we’ve been to the village.
But what I really want from him is: “Will you apologize for making me wonder whether you’re going to leave me or not?”
My voice comes out more strained than I’d prefer, because I’m trying to keep it together, but I really want to shrivel up and pretend I didn’t just ask for something for myself that reveals so much.
Kovan looks dumbfounded for a moment, like once again I’ve verbally bopped him on the nose.
Then he tightens his arms around me, squeezing me to his chest as he hugs me.
“Living with you is an endlessly humbling experience,” he says. “My failures are never what I think they are. I am sorry most of all for making you feel insecure aboutme, Tasa, and how I think of you. I don’t want to leave you. I don’t know how I can stay. I don’t know how I can make your life better, but I am trying, and I will keep trying, and as long as I am not making it worse for you, I want to stay with you.”
Damn him. Now I am crying.
I bury my face in his shirt. “This is stupid,” I mutter. “It’s been like two days.”
Yes, I hyper-fixate, but I shouldn’t be this attached.
But Kovan doesn’t agree. He just holds me.
And he says, “Powerful magic works fast.”
I reject the instinctual, bitter thought that there can never be magic for me of all people.
Because one thing I can trust him to be an expert on is magic.
And I do want to believe in it for me. For us.
I lift my head to meet his gaze again.
Kovan swears under his breath when he sees my tears, which makes me smile a little.
“So now what?” I ask.
“Now—”
He kisses me again.
This time it’s languid, and dizzying, and I do let myself melt into him.
Let someone hold me up, for once.
When we finally pull apart, it isn’t far; and both of us are breathing hard.
