It was Daniel’s turn to exhale sharply. He leaned his hip against a bench, the lantern light making his eyes glint.
“I am not, I suppose. However, I do have regrets about the way I handled my sisters. I was away from them for too long and failed to protect them.”
Lucy walked toward him, her slippered feet silent on the ground. They were too close now.
“They love you. I saw your interactions with my own eyes. There is nothing to be guilty about. You are human. You are allowed to make mistakes, especially since you didn’t mean them, and you are sorry.”
Their gazes locked.
Lucy held her breath, her chest tightening with tension. He reached out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. His touch, though brief and gentle, sent searing heat across her skin, only to be cooled by the early morning air.
“I should not have come here,” he whispered, even as his thumb brushed her temple.
“Why did you, then?” she whispered back.
Daniel dropped his hand and heaved a sigh. He furrowed his brow as if breathing hurt. Then, he gave her a determined look, one she had been dreading.
“I can’t marry you, Lucy,” he said softly. “I can’t give you hope. I can’t risk your reputation. I can’t marry you. I can’t marry anyone at all. I still have?—”
He stopped so abruptly as if an invisible hand had gripped his throat.
Lucy watched breathlessly as his posture changed when words failed him. She had a glimpse of the vulnerability Daniel showed, which was quickly replaced by a dogged determination.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Why?” Lucy pressed. “Why are you adamant about not marrying?”
Daniel hung his head. He looked like he was in pain.
“Because I am still searching for someone,” he admitted. “The search carries some risk.Plentyof risk. It is not something I want to share with my wife. I have been chasing shadows for years, Lucy. I need to see this through before I—I?—”
“Give yourself a chance? What kind of danger are you involved in, Daniel? Who is this person you are looking for?”
“The less you know, the safer you’d be. I’ve already endangered you by being too close.”
“I am not a child, Daniel,” she insisted. “You can talk to me. Unburden yourself.”
Daniel looked at her, startled. At that moment, she saw his mask slip.
“It’s for the best. Perhaps when my search is over, and there is no threat hanging over my head… we could revisit whatever this is,” he said, chuckling bitterly. “But the last thing I want to do is make you wait for me. I don’t deserve your patience. I do not deserve you at all. If you must marry, do so.”
“What makes you say that?” she asked, keeping her voice gentle. “Do you hear what you are saying?”
He hesitated, avoiding her eyes. But she was persistent, reaching for his large hand and squeezing it with her smaller one.
“You can tell me. I can keep a secret,” she promised.
She was rewarded with the ghost of a smile. It looked weary and sad, making her feel the same way. His eyes flicked to their clasped hands. Then, he finally met her gaze.
“Has Victoria told you about our father?” he asked.
“Yes.” Lucy nodded. “I was told that he was a difficult man.”
“Perhaps difficult is too generous a term,” he rasped. “I was his only son, his heir, and yet we constantly clashed. I did not like how he ruled the household with fear, so I fought back. But whenever I fought back, he would take his anger out on mysisters, especially Marianne. I tried to put a stop to it, but things went downhill every time.”
He closed his eyes. Lucy could only imagine that he was replaying some of his most painful memories.
“Finally, Marianne approached me. She told me to leave the house and focus on my travels. She said she would protect our sisters. I agreed. At that time, I didn’t know what to do. I spent my whole life wallowing in guilt over my decision to leave. I was—I still am a coward.”
