Like he had done with me, Azrael shook his head with a sad expression. “There may be darkness, but also great light. More importantly, darkness isn’t intrinsically evil. It is what you do with it that determines its alignment.”
It struck me how perfectly his words echoed those spoken previously by Pharos.
“Many demons aren’t evil,” he continued. “And many people who supposedly walk in the light actually cause great harm in the name of good.”
“But I want to do evil things and cause harm,” she countered with shame and sorrow.
Azrael looked at her with an undefinable expression.
“You think I haven’t committed acts of violence and caused harm? It is not what you do, but why you do it. Killing those cultists was an act of justice and protection for the realm,” he replied.
“But I took pleasure in their pain!” she argued. “How is that not wrong?”
“Why is it wrong to enjoy justice being meted out? Make no mistake, Eleni. I took great pleasure in giving Cornelius the punishment he deserved for the harm he caused my son Pharos, and his brother Asheron. Even as an Angel, I delighted in his suffering, because it was deserved.”
“Cornelius Cromwell committed atrocities against countless people over centuries,” Eleni countered. “Everyone reveled in the terrible fate he met. But I enjoy the thought of causing pain for its own sake.”
“Because it is the feral nature passed down to you through the specific demonic breeds in your DNA. Those instincts don’t make you a monster. You haven’t gratuitously acted on them, because you’re not evil. Stop fretting, Eleni. Lyall and you are soulmates. Your respective light and darkness are the perfect complement to each other. Feed on your love, and it will keep you grounded. Find your harmony, and together, you will be unstoppable.”
The gratitude in her eyes as she smiled at him moved me deeply. Eleni then locked gazes with me, hope shining bright within hers.
“How do I help her?” I asked, forcing myself to glance back at Azrael.
The look he gave me immediately made me feel stupid. Of course, he couldn’t answer that. You think my brain stopped functioning properly since this entire ordeal began. There were proper ways to get the answer we wanted when the question involved something restricted by the covenant.
“Right…” I said sheepishly. “You implied earlier that you could help me embrace my true self.”
“That’s correct,” he said approvingly. “You have yet to fully merge with the part of me I gave you. I can help you go over that last hurdle, and then I can teach you how to use some of the powers that will confer you.”
“Powers such as what?” I asked, hope and excitement audible in my voice.
“As all my offspring, you will be able to channel your divine light to guide a soul from a vessel. Once you know how to usethat ability, you can do with it whatever you please,” he said smugly.
I frowned. “But Pharos says that Reapers can only take souls out of the body, not put them into a different vessel.”
His smile broadened, this time with a hint of mockery.
“You are not a Reaper, Lyall. I gave you a part of me, which confers to you some of my divine light. That grants you part of the Reaper powers, but without their constraints.”
“So I could move a soul in or out?!” I exclaimed, my heart soaring.
“Like I said, once you’ve learned how to use your ability, you can do with it whatever you please,” he replied with a grin.
I reached for Eleni’s hand and exhaled a shuddering breath as our eyes locked again. This was the path Pharos had mentioned. This time, I wouldn’t fail her. I would make her whole again.
“How do I do it? How do I embrace your gift to me?” I asked Azrael.
“Feel your light, let it wash over you and fill you,” he said before moving behind me. “Do not be afraid. It will not harm you.”
He drew me into his arms, pressing my back against his chest, and then crossed his palms over my heart. The light within immediately stirred to life, recognizing the presence of the original source.
He accurately guessed at the underlying fear my light always triggered. Every time it tried to poke its head, I panicked, thinking it might engulf me. The fact that it felt good tempted me more than once to actually let it come to the fore and see what happened. But it systematically felt like I was falling in an endless void or being submerged. So I backed out, dreading that I would forever be lost to whatever outcome it would yield.
“Do not fear, my son,” Azrael encouraged gently, his lips near my right ear. “Think of all the good times in your life, the moments that gave you the most joy.”
Heart pounding, I complied, and memories flooded my mind. Most of them revolved around the earlier days of my youth running around with Ranael as he teased me, but especially when he complimented and uplifted me in my moments of doubt in vulnerability. I recalled the one time I drank Amara’s blood. It had shattered the protective wall I had erected around that light to keep it at bay. Never before had it felt so good to let it shine outwardly. I understood now that it was her angelic aura that had called unto mine. And then that wonderful hug Mother gave me right before sending me on that mission.
With each thought, I felt my light growing steadily, filling me with warmth but also a lightness that increasingly promised to shift into that scary falling sensation. As much as I instinctively itched to pull away from it, I forced myself to stay the course. Aside from the fact that Azreal’s arms around me kept me grounded and feeling safe, this entire process went far beyond just being whole. It was the key to saving the life of the one woman who had made me feel more alive and worthy than I ever thought possible.
