I jump out of the bed, throwing my glasses and phone on it as I do, and rush to my bedroom. I flick the lights on as soon as I arrive and find her sitting on the bed with her face in her hands.
“What happened?” I worriedly ask.
She looks up at me with teary eyes, startled. “Nothing, sorry.”
“Andrea… What’s going on?”
“I had a nightmare,” she concedes in a small, uneven voice.
Because she’s been nothing but a scheming tease lately, I wonder if this is another one of her ideas to push me to give in. But while she’s good, she isn’tthatgood. Not to the point where she’d cry on command. She also isn’t that cunning.
“It’s okay, you can go back to bed,” she insists, still visibly shaken.
She looks so fragile, alone in the massive bed, cheeks wet with tears, knees pulled against her chest… Her breathing is still uncontrolled, irregular like her sobs. I’d hate myself for the rest of my life if I abandoned her like this, leaving her by herself to fend with the demons that plague her dreams.
I turn the lights off and walk to the bed. Neither of us talks as I join her under the covers. And when she slithers her way to my side, pressing herself onto me, I don’t fight it. I adjust myself for her, even.
“Do you want to talk about it?” I ask softly.
“You were getting arrested,” she explains with a trembling voice. “And they were here for me, too. I was so scared, Lex.”
I perfectly understand the feeling, having lived it myself. The arrest had brought a tsunami of emotions, leaving behind an unsortable wreck that took days to process.
“I was so terrified I’d never get to see you again,” she continues after a sniff.
My chest tightens at her words. She wasn’t scared for herself as much as she was scared for us. It’s irrational, and the very reason I have to let her go, but it still makes my heart race under my constrictive ribs. My arm wraps around her shoulders, pulling her closer, bringing her onto my torso.
This is why I need to end us. This is what our love brings. Nightmares, pain, and tears. I want to believe we’re safe from my past catching up again, but I don’t know that. As Nammota, I’ve made enemies. Powerful ones who could ruin our lives. The DOJ is off my back, but there might be people out there who still believe I’m Nammota. It only takes one, with the wrong intentions and the right resources, to make the whole thing a big fucking issue again.
And when—if—that happens, I don’t want Andrea to be by my side. I don’t trust her not to do something reckless again.
Tomorrow, I’m ending things. I’ll be as gentle as I can about it, but I’ll make it clear she needs to leave, for both our sakes. I’ll help her pack her things if she lets me, and I’ll drive her back to her place with Tamika. She’ll have the weekend to process it, which is good. I already know she’ll hate me for it, but I take comfort in the fact that, with time, she’ll get over me. And whenever my life turns into a shitshow again, she’ll be relieved she isn’t a part of it anymore. That’s when she’ll understand what I did was right.
We gave it a try for much longer than we should have, but I’m too fucked up for us to work.
I’m coming to terms with my decision when she wriggles onto me, leaving not a lick of space between us. “I love you so much,” she whispers.
Replying would undo my efforts to stay away from her, so I don’t. But I tighten my hold on her and, in a moment of weakness, press a longing kiss on her forehead. One last time. We have only tonight left. And tomorrow, it all ends.
My sweet love …
Chapter 15
Ihaven’t felt this serene in a very long time. Even half asleep, I can feel that my soul is finally at rest. There’s something so utterly peaceful, so flawlessly delightful in this moment, that I don’t want to wake up just yet. I want to linger in this comforting feeling a little longer.
My flesh doesn’t agree with my mind, though, because it slowly awakens. But as I gently come to my senses, the felicity doesn’t fade. On the contrary, it intensifies.
I’m warm all over, within and without, because there’s a big, powerful body that slightly presses me into the mattress with its weight. My chest swells and expands as my heart threatens to burst within it.
Lex is holding me.
He joined me in his bed after my awful nightmare, proving he’ll always be here for me even when we don’t get along. I fell asleep pressed up against him, but now, after a night together, we’re spooning. As estranged as we might be, having him plastered onto me will always feel familiar.
As I awake more, I realize he’s passed a hand around my middle and, like the greedy man he always was, shoved it under my T-shirt to cup my breast. If he’s awake, he can probably feel my heart drumming under his palm. When I move a little to adjust, I feel something else that sets my blood in flames. Between us, straining against the swell of my ass, I can feel his erection.
The contact immediately sends a sensual shiver through my body. Languorous need sparks between my legs. I’ve been so fucking empty, I crave to have the hard, rigid length inside me, stretching me with powerful thrusts. We’re reaching three and a half months without sex, and it’s becoming painfully clear.
I’d probably come so fucking fast. I’m a needy wreck right now, and all he’s doing is holding me. I’m so starved for itthat, by the time he’s fully sheathed in me, I’d shatter around his girth in seconds. Then he’d plow into me, fucking me hard and deep, conjuring more orgasms.
