I turn around to get a glimpse of my mother’s reaction, but they both notice and move apart, pretending nothing was happening. “Can you, uh, help me with something in the garden?” she asks him once everything’s on the counter.
Real smooth, Mom …
My father follows her through the back door, and I’m left with MC. “Don’t you maybe want to join them, so you three can talk about me and the poor decisions I’ve been making lately?” I suggest with cynicism.
“Nah, that’s their thing. I get why you’re doing what you’re doing,mija. And if you weren’t out there visiting that man every weekend, I would do it myself.”
“Of course you would,” I chuckle, incredulous.
“Come peel the carrots for me, will you?”
“What are we making?”
“It’s a surprise.”
“How does that work, with me helping you cook it?”
“You’re peeling the carrots and getting out,listilla.”
I can barely hold back my amusement as I take out the cutting board and peeler. Just as I settle next to her, though, a stabbing pain pierces through my lower stomach. I hunch over with a wince, pressing a hand over the spot that hurts. I’ve had a few of those lately, usually when I forget to eat.
“Are you alright,mija?” MC worriedly asks, resting a soothing palm on my shoulder.
“Yeah, it’s just—I’m fine.”
“Lady business?”
I shake my head, clenching my teeth. I rarely have crampy periods, so it probably isn’t that. But this is particularly painful, so I try to remember when my period’s due. Thinking through the ache, I struggleto remember where I’m at in my cycle. With everything going on, the extra work at Kelex, visiting Lex… I lost track of time. But last I can recall, I was on my period before Evora’s gala, when Lex and I weren’t having proper sex but were being creative instead.
But that was… two months ago. Almost to the day.
Petrified by the thought slowly forming in my head, I stare at the counter with wide eyes, the pain in my stomach the furthest thing from my mind.
“I have some ibuprofen in my bag, let me get it,” MC offers, worried by my lack of response.
“No, I—I need—”
“What do you need,nieta? Tell me.”
I turn to her, aware that I must look like a lunatic. I’m so stunned by shock that I don’t question if it’s a good idea to let her know. I can barely even form a coherent sentence.
“I think I need a pregnancy test,” I breathe out.
I’m pacing the length of my bedroom with a mix of anxiety and worry, trying to wrap my head around the fact that I might be pregnant.
MC made up an excuse about forgetting something for the soup and took the car for a quick errand.
This can’t be happening. It’s impossible. My IUD is good for at least another three years. But it wouldn’t be the first time a nearly perfect contraception failed, would it?
The harder I think about it, the more it makes sense. The mood swings, the crying, the nausea, the pain… I’ve put all of this on the messed-up situation, but what if those are symptoms? What if I’m hormonal because of pregnancy?
Flattening a hand over my stomach, right where a small life might be growing, I try to think through the consequences. Now is about the worst possible moment to have a child. My life is a mess, everything is crumbling around me, and I don’t even know if Lex will get out.
Fuck, Lex… What would he think of this? What would he want? How would he react?
We talked about hypothetical children. Even without the chaos we’re in, it’s too early. For fuck’s sake, we haven’t even been together for six months in total. I want kids. I wanthiskids. But not now. I’m not ready to be a mother. And yet, if Lex is convicted, we’ll never get another chance.
The thought is dangerous. It twists something sharp in my chest. A little creature, half Lex, half me, existing in the world beyond prisonwalls. Proof that he matters. Thatwematter. A future, even if everything else is taken from us.
