He sets his takeout cup down and leans back into the armchair he’s in. I take one last bite with my chopsticks and do the same before getting up. We’ve been wearing comfy clothes since we arrived, aside from the few times we’ve been out. Since he dropped me off and came to get me, he’s wearing a black button-down and matching pleated pants. He looks so handsome, my dark guardian angel.
Without a word, I climb onto his lap, which he welcomes with tender hands. “Hey, I know these,” he murmurs when he notices the flying pigs on my socks. I grin at him, thinking back on everything that’s happened since he first saw my pigasus socks.
He undid two buttons on his shirt since we got in, and my gaze drops to the exposed triangle of his firm chest and the dark hairscattered on it. “I know how hard it was for you to let me go there today,” I say softly. “And I’m so thankful you decided to trust me and my judgment, baby.”
“I didn’t have much of a choice, did I?”
“I wouldn’t have gone behind your back, Lex. But I would have been offended if you refused to trust that I could do this. In case you haven’t noticed, I’m a bit of a badass.”
He gives me a tender and crooked grin that melts my heart. “Believe it or not, I noticed. And very early on, not just since I got arrested.”
It’s my turn to smile. My hand goes around him to play with the thick hair high on his neck. “I know you’re as eager to take Becker down as I am, and the only thing that slows you down is my safety.”
He nods, his hand on my hip tightening for a brief moment. “I know I’m impulsive and hot-headed, and even if it doesn’t always feel that way, I’m so thankful that you hold me back when I’m being too much. You ground me, and even when I lose sight of my safety or good sense, you always recenter me.”
“We balance each other out.”
“Exactly.” I come closer, nearly resting my forehead against his. “I’m sorry for being so pushy. It’s just… I can’t wait.”
“For what?”
“For the rest of our lives. I want us to return home and be ourselves. Then, once we’ve found our routine and harmony again, you’ll ask me to marry you,” I say, using my free hand to graze the tempting skin of his chest. “After a while, once we’ve grown tired of calling one another ‘fiancé,’ we’ll marry. And this will become real.” I take his left hand, which rests on my knee, and play with his fake wedding ring. “Then, at some point down the line, you’ll put a baby in me. By yourself or with the help of a sploogesicle.”
He chuckles, then shakes his head in reprimand.
“Can you imagine it?” I say, feeling so in love with this man, my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest. “Little angels with their father’s gray eyes and genius mind.”
“Or little rascals with their mother’s freckles, curly hair, and equally brilliant brain.”
It’s my turn to let out a soft giggle. “Whoever they turn out to be, I can’t wait to meet them,” I whisper, laying a tender hand over his chest, where the shirt is open.
“Me neither.”
The kiss that follows is so tender and sweet that it simultaneously breaks and mends my heart. When we pull away, I feel contented, but also robbed. We’re forced to live in the shadows when we deserve light. So much warm and beaming light. Exactly like he makes me feel.
Even though I’m still trying to be optimistic and tell myself we’ll succeed in regaining our safety and freedom, I’m aware our plans might fail. If we never get Becker’s goons off our backs, we’ll need to move as far as we can, away from his reach. Then maybe we could have a life there, where we don’t have to hide so fiercely.
“Can you make me a promise?” I ask Lex, needing the reassurance.
“What?”
“If we never get that laptop. If we never get the dirt we need on Becker, and if the bounty against Nammota never goes away… Can you promise we’ll still find a way to get all that? On an island in the middle of nowhere. You, me, children… And maybe yearly meetups with my family, in a random country halfway between us.”
He doesn’t answer, but the sadness in his eyes tells me all I need to know. He wouldn’t risk it, would he? The two of us being in danger is already bad enough. Adding precious little beings to that equation would be not only unfair to them but also heartbreaking for us.
I don’t wait for Lex to explain to me why my desires are unreasonable. I say, “You’re right. We can’t risk it.”
My heart, which was so light moments ago, now feels full of sharp stones. If we don’t get Becker, we’ll be trapped by his invisible hold on us until the day he dies. No rest for us, no settling down and having a quiet, boring little life. Even my family might be in perpetual danger. All because I went after Becker for my heist. Had I known, I would have kept him out of it this time.
Lex’s handsome face becomes blurry, which is how I realize tears are pooling in my eyes. He notices as well, and his hand comes to cradle my cheek, a gentle thumb grazing the freckles he loves so much.
“We’ll get him, my love. You have two more days to find that laptop. And if you don’t, we’ll find another way. I won’t rest until that man is where he deserves to be—behind bars.”
“You mean it?”
“Absolutely. I want those freckled kids too much to give up so easily.”
Only he could make me smile and laugh while I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. He gives me a soft kiss, just what I need to return to this moment and to him.
