Because if I don’t have glimpses of you anymore, then I’ll have nothing left.
“You can’t quit,” I repeat, unable to find another thing to say.
“Then what do we do about this mess, Lex?”
“I don’t know. We’ll figure something out.”
Some of her anger resurfaces as she says, “Maybe we could try to fuck it out of our systems again. It worked so well the last time.”
Her tone drips with sarcasm and self-deprecation, and it hurts to hear our moments together turned into such a tasteless joke.
“That’s what I thought,” she lets out when I fail yet again to find an appropriate answer. “I’ll send my two weeks’ notice to HR this afternoon. I’m done, Lex. I’m really fucking done with this.”
She doesn’t wait for me to answer before she turns around and walks toward the door. My useless fucking brain can’t think of a way to fixthis, even though there has to be something I can say to stop her. If only I could get more time. Just a few more seconds…
My feet move before I even make them, and I catch up with her the moment she opens the door. In one swift motion, my hand flattens on the wooden panel and slams it back shut. When she understands I’m right behind her, she tenses from head to toe, eyes widening as she stares at the door.
“Don’t quit,” I breathe out, almost begging. “You can’t lose everything you’ve worked so hard for. Your app, your friends, this job… I can’t let you lose everything because of me.”
It takes her a few seconds to answer, and when she does, she sounds breathless. “I’d rather lose all that than lose myself, Lex.”
I step closer, and she instinctively moves forward to prevent my front from touching her back. “We’ll find a solution, I promise. I’ll… I’ll come less, so you don’t have to see me as much. I’ll work from home.”
“It’s not enough,” she whispers, torn.
“Then I’ll move to the other side of the country. Kev and I have been discussing opening a Kelex branch in New York. I’ll go do that so you can stay.”
She remains silent for a moment, and I wish I could see more than the curve of her cheekbone and the fluttering of her lashes.
“Say you’ll stay,” I plead, coming a little closer. Her breathing has grown irregular in the past few moments, and it hitches right when my chest meets her shoulders. “Please, Andrea.”
When I lean forward to press my forehead to the back of her head, she shivers against me but doesn’t move. She could slither away and set some space between us, but she doesn’t, and I don’t know how to feel about it. She stays in this makeshift embrace that doesn’t feel like one. It’s so much and not enough all at once.
One last time,I tell myself as I fill my lungs with her jasmine scent. One last time before she either leaves forever or I do. But at least if she stays at Kelex, I’ll see her a few times a year instead of never again.
“I hate you so fucking much,” she lets out with the most broken voice I’ve ever heard.
“I know. But it’ll get better soon, I promise. Just say you’ll stay, Andrea.”
She gulps hard enough for me to hear it, and her nod forces me to lift my head and let go of the contact. “I’ll stay,” she agrees. “For now. I’ll stay for now.”
Knowing she isn’t gone yet is enough for me to step back and let her go. She doesn’t turn around or say another thing before twisting thehandle and opening the door. I’m just as silent as she steps out and pulls the door behind her.
I have no idea how long I stay there, computing what just happened. None of that went as I expected, but maybe a fresh start is what I need. Even if it’s in New York, which I’ve always hated. But at least I have a sister there, so I won’t be entirely alone.
With a sigh, I return to my desk, occupying my mind with a list of everything I’ll have to take care of to make that happen. Kevin won’t like it, even though we did talk about opening a branch on the East Coast. We never imagined one of us would run it, leaving the other alone in Seattle. But I’ll return for special occasions, like major meetings and parties.
And maybe we can throw even more of the latter, so I have excuses to seehera few times a year. It will be like temporary breaths of oxygen I can look forward to. A way to make my life less gloomy than it’s shaping up to become.
But as long as hers turns into the one she deserves, it’ll be worth it.
Chapter 05
Since the abrupt ending of our relationship, I’ve felt sad, angry, desperate, helpless, and even hopeful. But ever since that moment in Lex’s office, I’ve been feeling… empty.
Knowing he’s going away doesn’t help. Not as much as it should, at least.
It’s as though I have nothing left to look forward to. Nothing to wait for. Nothing to keep me going.
