“Do you think it’s possible to love someone too much?” she asks against my chest.
“Whatdo you mean?”
“Like… You love someone so hard, it does more harm than good. It becomes so overwhelming that you spiral into your feelings and lose control of everything.”
“I never thought about it that way. I guess it’s possible, yes.”
She wriggles closer to me, pressing herself harder into my side. “I think I love you too much, Lex.”
I kiss her hair with poignant intensity. “I think I love you too much, too. I’d set you free otherwise.”
“I don’t want to be free. I just want us to stop hurting each other.”
And I want that, too. More than anything. I’m not sure I know how to stop hurting her, though. But I sure as hell can try. “I’ll never see her again,” I say.
“Hm?”
“Eva. I promise I’ll never see her again.”
Andrea pushes herself away from me to stare at me with a frown. “I don’t expect you to cut off one of your oldest friendships for me.”
“If it comes to you or her, I don’t even have to think about it, freckles. I’ll be fine never seeing Evora again, but I’d never be okay with losing you. So my choice is made,” I decide.
She looks muddled as she returns against me into this odd embrace on the guest bathroom floor.
We really are a fucking mess, aren’t we?
Chapter 28
Because Lex forced me to drink what felt like a gallon of water and to take some aspirin, I don’t have the mother of all headaches. As if he hasn’t done enough already, I wake up to find a tall glass of water and another tablet of aspirin on the nightstand next to me.
He isn’t in bed anymore, which makes sense since it’s almost noon. Feeling undeserving of his sweet attention, I swallow the pill, finish the water, and lie back to stare into emptiness.
Jesus fuck, I acted horribly yesterday. Lex still wasn’t right to let her in and entertain her for so long, but I had no business being this nasty and catty to her. God, what must she have thought of me? I definitely passed as an emotionally abusive girlfriend, and the shame of it burns inside my chest.
It isn’t the first time I’ve gotten so absurdly drunk around Lex, and now that I lie there thinking back on it, I wonder if maybe I have an alcohol problem. As much as I’d blame Mason for making me drink that much, I let it happen because I wanted a temporary escape from my thoughts. That’s it, I’ll be more reasonable with the alcohol until Christmas. And even then, I’ll keep it mild. It’s a solid goal, and it’ll help lower my calorie intake.
Lex was right. I went way too far. And if I can’t control those insecurities and doubts, they’ll become true. My fear of losing him will make it happen because who’d want to stay with such an unstable person? The irony of it is palpable. There’s probably something poetic about it.
Lex definitely was the bigger person with the way he took care of me, staying by my side as I puked blue, then carrying me bridal-style to his bathroom so I could brush my teeth and garglesome minty mouthwash.
I’m so embarrassed by my behavior that I’m reluctant to go out there and see him. But I need to apologize and thank him for taking care of me despite how I treated his friend. So, summoning the little courage I have in me, I crawl my way out of bed and into the cold air. I grab a fluffy blanket folded on the armchair as I pass it and wrap myself in it.
He’s sitting on the couch in the living area with his laptop on his knees. Without a word, I walk up to him. He spots me in the corner of his eye, and as I reach him, he settles his computer on the table before him.
“Hi.”
“Hi,” he answers while I clumsily lay on the couch, still wrapped like a burrito. He welcomes me as I rest my head on his lap, looking up at his strong jawline.
His gorgeous face is familiar and comforting, and behind his sexy glasses, there’s something sweet in his eyes. He settles a hand over my sternum, which I cover with mine, and with his free one, he gently grazes my hair, chasing the remnants of my headache away.
“How’s your head?” he asks.
I don’t expect the wide grin that splits my face in half as I think of the only thing I can answer right now. “Haven’t had any complaints.”
His smirk is knowing and proud as he says, “Definitely not from me, no.”
We stay like this for several minutes, with his hand softly brushing my hair as I enjoy it with my eyes closed. But what happened yesterday keeps eating me up, so I force myself to trigger the talk we need to have.
