“Babe, no! A one-night stand is someone you picked up at a bar and will never see again. Sleeping with your hot-as-fuck boss is more than that.”
I frown, not getting the nuance. What I did wasn’t offensive or wrong. I slept with him and left, which was our agreement. I’m pretty confident he would have done the same had things unfolded at my place.
Since I’m not answering, Kate becomes more inquisitive. “Was he okay with you leaving?”
“We didn’t exactly talk about it,” I sarcastically answer.
“Have you seen him this morning? How are things between you two?”
Something’s off, but it isn’t because I left, right? Things are just understandably weird. The man sucked on my clit, so how are we supposed to pretend nothing happened?
I don’t want to dwell on it and get more of her intrusive questions. “Kate, I have to go.”
She sighs, clearly disapproving. “I know it’s all new to you, and you like Oliver. But please remember that Alexander is also his own person. Try not to hurt him.”
A graceless snort escapes me. I highly doubt I can hurt the man. He’s way more experienced than I am, and surely I’m far from being thefirst casual sex he’s had. Nevertheless, I reassure Kate before we hang up.
As soon as I enter the break room downstairs and spot Oliver, I curse my goldfish memory. He’s with the other nerds, and he sees me right away.
We exchange an awkward wave before I get my Tupperware from the fridge. Because of whatever text Tami sent him, he knows I spent the night with someone. But I told him I’d come back to him once I was ready, so it makes it all so weird. Will he think I’m whoring out before settling down with him?
Because I can’t keep staring at the yogurts and meal boxes like this, I grab my Pad Thai and straighten up. I jump at the sight of Oli right on the other side of the fridge door. “Hi,” he greets with a forced grin.
“Hi.” My smile probably looks as fake as his.
He follows me to the microwave and says, “I’m glad you’re fine. Tami seemed very worried yesterday.”
“Yeah, I messed up. I should have warned her.” I shove my opened box in the microwave, which smells like fish once more.Dammit, people. Stop with the weird dishes already.
“You know, you shouldn’t microwave your things in plastic. It’s carcinogenic.”
I stare at him with a blank expression. Small talk won’t make this any less weird. “Look, Oli, I—”
“It’s fine. You don’t have to justify yourself,” he cuts me off. He stops and passes his hand on the back of his head to distractedly scratch it, looking at the floor. “I won’t pretend I’m not a little hurt. I really like you, but it’s your life and your choices. I keep thinking about our date, and I can’t help but regret not going upstairs with you. And I feel like shit for it because I know you told me how overwhelmed you are and all.”
I’m tongue-tied when he meets my eyes again, unsure what to say or do. Like him, I wish we could go from great friends to great lovers, but things aren’t that simple.
“I never wanted to hurt you,” I say, hoping it can ease his bruised emotions.
“I know. I’m not blaming you; just trying to make peace with it. It doesn’t matter what you do now, as long as you’re over it whenwehappen,” he explains, his hands tucked in his front pockets. I nod, my brows twisted with unease.
I’m such a selfish asshole.
My food rings behind me, so I take it out rapidly. With my cancer-infused meal in hand, I wonder how the hell I can make this situation better.
“I can’t promise I’ll ever be ready. I like you, Oli, I really do. But I can’t be sure I’ll ever like you likethat,” I say with my free hand on his shoulder, trying to be as gentle as possible.
Oli processes my words for a moment, his expression slightly confused and worried. “I get it, don’t worry. I can handle that sort of thing.”
I can almost believe him, but his eyes look so sad.
With a heavy heart, I give him a small smile and go sit with Dakota, Tami, and a few others. I eat in silence, my mind preoccupied. Something tells me I’ll never desire Oliver like I desire Lex.
I’ve never come even close to what the latter makes me feel.
Chapter 20
The massive load of work that we have to take care of leaves little to no room for distraction. By the end of each day, my brain is fried, so I leave for home as soon as I can. I’m too tired to want anything other than to go to bed. Alone.
