On our way to the Lair, I rack my brain to find the words and figure out what I can tell Oli. But my silence is uncharacteristic, so he guesses something is off. “Is it something I did?” he carefully asks. The anguish in his voice nearly wrecks me.
I can’t even begin to process the guilt gnawing at my insides. In need of privacy, I grab his arm and pull him to an isolated corner.
“You were perfect,” I say genuinely. “Youareperfect. Yesterday was great, but I lost control a little. A lot. I’m usually not that bold. It’s just that I-I have too much going on right now. With the sale, the new job, the new city… I’ve been overwhelmed lately.”
He takes in my words, processing them for a while. The last thing I want is for Oli to doubt himself. He’s done nothing wrong, on the contrary. The man even stopped me from making a bigger mistake in my attempt to drive Lex out of my mind.
“Do you want to slow things down or stop them altogether?” he ends up asking.
“I—”
I don’t know. Slowing things down isn’t enough right now. I can’t date Oli and give him any hope for as long as Alexander is on my mind. He deserves better than this. But I also don’t want to put an end to everything. I’m too smart to let my vagina dictate my life and decisions.
“Right now, I don’t really know where I’m at, and I don’t want to ruin things because we had a false start,” I explain. “I really like you, Oli, but I can’t expect you to put everything else on hold for me. Maybe it’s simpler if we’re just friends for now, and when I get my shit together, we can give it another try if you’re still interested?”
“I would never want to force you to do anything. I should have realized you weren’t ready.” Not only is he the most understanding person ever, but he’s also the sweetest, most considerate one.
“How could you? I didn’t even know it myself. But I swear to you, Oliver Paulson. As soon as I’m ready, I’ll come and get you,” I promise, hiding my doubts.
He squints his eyes, and I see a glimpse of amusement in them. “Why did that sound like a threat?”
The tension is slowly wearing off, and the relief compels me to let out a soft giggle. “Well, it’s because it was. You better be ready for me.”
“I will be, Hulkette. However long it takes for you to figure things out, I will still be interested.”
For some reason, his statement feels both wrong and right, and I don’t know what to make of it. I don’t want him to wait for me, but I hope he will. We’re too good together not to become a thing.
All I need is to sort out that messed up situation with my infuriating boss. Which won’t be easy since we’re hell-bent on ignoring the shit out of each other.
That’s what we do the entire day. I barely grant him a glimpse when I get in, and then I pretend I’m alone, forcing my brain to ignore his closeness. I’m so absorbed by work that I don’t notice the time. He’s the one who does, his head popping over the screen that shields us from seeing each other.
Ugh, these fucking glasses…
Lex gestures to his ears, inviting me to remove my headphones. “Time’s up. Go home,” he says when I do, keeping it to a minimum.
Confused, I check the time on my screen, and my eyes open wide. Oh, damn. I should have left twenty minutes ago. “Oh, right, thanks.”
Once everything’s off and I have all my things, I throw a vague, “Bye” on my way out, not expecting or getting one in return.
Tomorrow’s Friday. If it goes as smoothly as today, then I’m out of the woods until Monday. By then, I might have a better idea of how to fix this than Kate’s.
Yeah, that’s totally doable.
Totally.
This cold war we’re waging is getting ridiculous. We only exchange words when we need to for the app and nothing else. She clearly has no interest in interacting with me, and I’m too proud to beg for scraps of her attention. She needs to come to me.
Admittedly, I shouldn’t have allowed things to derail the way they did because she did drink that night. But she sobered up by the time we got to her place, and I’m not good at resisting her. And we both know that kiss wasn’t due to the wine she drank.
A week has passed since that evening, and none of the tension has faded. I haven’t been able to chase the memory out of my head, and because of my high capacity to retain information, I remember it all with vivid accuracy.
I’ve been thinking of it much more than I care to admit. On several occasions since, I’ve fucked my fist thinking of her in that pretty dress, of her drenched pussy, of her soft, desperate moans…
I never in my life thought I’d be lusting after an employee like this. I’m too hell-bent on following the rules and doing what’s right. Kev always told me to let loose and live a little. That clearly wasn’t good advice. Letting go brought nothing but frustration and a strained relationship with one of our most valuable employees.
Releasing a sigh, I lean back into my chair. Neither of us has spoken in nearly four hours, and the day is almost over, so she’ll head out and disappear from my life for the weekend. It’s supposed to be a good thing, but it doesn’t feel like it.
Does she also think of our kiss as she lies alone in bed at night? Or is she even alone in her bed? It’s my understanding that she and Oliver had a date, and it went well. The utter rage that I felt upon hearing that worried me. It shouldn’t matter what she does, but the fact that she kissed me and went out on a date with him within a week is insulting. Did it really mean nothing to her?
