The things he said after Oli found us, how I was leading my colleague on to keep him as a backup plan, should have opened my eyes. How could Lex believe it and still love me? Our relationship was never equal in trust, so how could it be equal in heart? Obviously, he likes me. But he was never in love with me. Otherwise, how can it be so easy for him to dismiss everythingwe shared? My heart drops low in my stomach at the thought, and my guts twist. I’m about to be sick.
That’s why he didn’t do anything to try to get me back this afternoon. Not a single text, not a single attempt to bargain, to talk, to fix us… His radio silence wasn’t because I needed space. It was because he didn’t care enough. And he’s so aloof now because I was just a fling. Not the great love of his life.
I’m so fucking stupid. A month. Of course, Lex couldn’t have fallen in love with me so fast. He swept me off my feet, but the other way around isn’t true.
As the world falls apart, I look up at him with tears blurring my vision. His expression twitches slightly when a drop rolls down my cheek, sorriness veiling his handsome face. He cares about me, but not enough.
“You never loved me,” I whisper. Voicing it is even worse, and another surge of tears overwhelms me. With shaky hands, I get rid of them as they come.
He doesn’t deny it, his brows stuck in a perpetual apologetic frown. “I’m sorry, Andrea. I tried to warn you.”
I ruined it. Maybe with more time, he could have loved me. But I destroyed my chances because of my reaction, involuntarily shaking some sense into him.
“I’m sorry,” he says again, his voice softer.
I don’t want his pity. I don’t want him to see me so pathetic and puerile like this. I want him to love me with the same maddening intensity as I love him. But I see now how foolish it was of me to believe he could.
The great love of my life only goes one way.
“I’ll let you work,” I say, straightening my shoulders and gathering the little dignity I have left.
Before I can turn around, he grasps my arm, and I send him a confused look after glancing at his strong hand on me. “Ireallyam sorry, Andrea.”
His free hand reaches for my face and settles so his palm embraces the curve of my cheek. With the pad of his thumb, he wipes a stranded tear away. When he leans forward as if to kiss me, I don’t stop him. I can’t. I’m fucking weak, and I want his lips on mine one last time.
At the last moment, he hesitates, and instead of my lips, he kisses my forehead, crushing my heart one last time. It’s such a platonic, patronizing gesture that I want to hate him for it. But I can’t. Not when he’s so close to me, his familiar scent filling my nostrils, his large hands on me…
His mouth lingers for longer than it should before he slowly moves away. “It’s for the best,” he insists. I can’t tell if he’s saying it for himself or me.
I force myself to nod, and I exit his office as fast as I can. It takes everything I have not to look back at him, but I do it.
It’s over.
We’re over before we ever began.
My feet bring me to the stall where I cried this morning. Given how my eyes fill with more tears, I’m on for a do-over.Fuck…
Images of my time with Lex,myLex, the one I thought I knew, flood my mind, adding to the agonizing pain in my chest. I’ll never wake up in his arms again. I’ll never experience his adoration, taste his lips, experience his playful teasing… All of it is gone.
How did we end up here? We were so fucking happy together, not even twenty-four hours ago. I can still feel the gentleness with which he cared for my bruised cheek, hear the devoted words he whispered into my ears, sense the affection that seeped through his touch as we made love…
The excruciating pain grips every inch of my being as endless flows of salty tears pour down my cheeks, gathering at my chin. Desperate sobs shatter the stillness, echoing against the white tiles of the restroom.
I slump against the door, powerless, as my limbs give way. My numb body slides down until it reaches the floor, my hectic breathing impossible to control.
It was so stupid of me to fall so desperately, irrevocably, and utterly in love with him. Now, I’m shattered and broken beyond repair.
I am lost in a sea of despair, waves of agony crashing down on me. I can barely register the toilet bowl a couple of feet away or the probably filthy tiles under me that add to my humiliation. As torment wrecks me, I know nothing could be worse than this.
The heartbreak I desperately wanted to avoid inevitably caught up with me. From the start, I knew Lex would hurt me, but I chose to ignore my intuition, blinded by stupid love.
I should have trusted my instinct. All of this was a giant error from the start.
And now, he corrected my mistake, leaving me with nothing but the bitter taste of regret.
He was right—he should have put an end to it sooner.
Put an end to us.
