Maybe it’s unfair for me to say this, but I’m in love with you, Andy—
Instantly, I freeze and stop reading.
My heart drops low in my chest, and my breath catches in my throat. My dismay is so great that I can’t do anything but stare at Oliver’s declaration for a few seconds.I’m in love with you, Andy… What the hell? He can’t be in love with me. We went out ononedate.
And yet, I’m perfectly aware of how easy it can be to fall in love with someone. Lex used to be the last person I wanted to be with, but now I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.
This isn’t happening.
With my hand slightly trembling, I stare at the screen, confused, troubled, and ashamed. Ashamed for not noticing, for leading Oliver on for too long, for not preserving him, for letting him fall for me… His feelings can’t and won’t ever be returned.
Remembering Lex right here, I finally move the phone away, face down. For a few minutes of pure confusion, I stare emptily at the movie unfolding before us. My mind is frozen, and I can’t think of what I should do or say—to both Lex and Oli.
Lex has always been jealous of Oli, and if he knows this… Things might change at work. His attitude toward Oli and me might cause problems at Kelex. I can’t lose Lex or Oli, and I can’t let these relationships make things messy at work. My mind is filled with questions and insecurities, and the guilt never fades. I need to read the rest of the text. There’s more to it, and I need to know what it says before I decide anything.
I subtly shift away from Lex, moving out of his embrace, and twist just enough so I can hold my phone in a way that won’t be suspicious.
My heart beats insanely fast in my chest as I unlock my phone and read on, struggling to keep my hand steady.
Oli
Maybe it’s unfair for me to say this, but I’m in love with you, Andy. I think I fell for you the moment you first came into the Lair with your Hulk T-shirt and inappropriate jokes. My feelings have only been growing since, and while I know you’re seeing someone, I need to say it, or I’ll regret it.
I’m not expecting you to drop him and choose me instead. I just need you to know I’m here. I’m an option. I can make you happy, and you’d always come first.
I’m sorry for doing it like this. I tried to tell you so many times, but I always hold back. I’m only now finding the courage to say it after thinking about it all day.
Don’t answer right now. Just think it over, and then we can talk about it. Whatever you choose, I’ll accept it. I just needed you to know the truth.
By the time I’m done reading, I contend with all sorts of conflicting emotions. Mostly, I’m sad for him because he’s a fantastic person who deserves to be loved and cherished by someone. But that someone isn’t me. I’m not the woman for him.
There’s only one outcome to this, and the sadness of it overwhelms me. His heart will break. Sweet Oli… The kind, gentle, and amazing knight in shining armor who always had my back. I’m going to hurt him because I’ve been a fucking idiot.
During the rest of the movie, I remain pensive, trying to come to terms with everything that’s happening and think of the best way to handle it. When the credits finally roll in, I’m anxious to leave. Lex’s presence near me puts me on edge, which isn’t helping my troubled mind.
I push the blanket away to get up and grab the rest of my clothes. Lex sends me a questioning look, and I offer him a sheepish frown, sorry to cut things short again.
“I have to get back home. This weekend was a fucking mess, and I need to get some sleep before starting the week,” I explain, hoping my excuse isn’t too weak—my brain isn’t very efficient at the moment.
“And you can’t do that here because…?”
“You’ll wake me up three times for sex, and I’ll end up more tired than I am right now.”
“I can also do sexless, you know. Unless that’s all I’m good for,” he argues, with no traces of humor in his voice.
“I’m sorry, baby,” I say, purposefully using the endearment. I don’t have the mental capacity to handle this right now. “I have nothing to wear for tomorrow. The past two days have been intense, and I need proper rest.”
He doesn’t argue, but I can see the matter isn’t entirely solved. He rearranges the couch’s cushions as I put my clothes on. While he takes care of his shorts, I fold the blanket and put it away. By the time I’m done, I grab my hard drive, do a final sweep to ensure I’m not forgetting anything, and turn to Lex, forcing a smile on my face.
“I’m sorry for abandoning you for the second time this weekend,” I say apologetically. “We’ll do better next time.”
After a dry nod, he accompanies me to the door.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Coleman,” I say, feigning a lightness I’m not feeling.
“Stay safe, Andrea.”
With a heavy heart, I give him one last forced smile and make my way into the deserted hallway of his building, eager to be home. Tomorrow, I’m breaking the heart of a wonderful guy. But it’s for the best.
