“Yes, I have… a question.”
“Shoot.”
“Did you tell anyone about what happened?”
“My parents know. And a few friends.”
“I meant here. At work.”
“Oh… Well, we went out for drinks after work last week, and I think I mentioned it, yes.”
“What did you mention exactly?”
“That we’re not together anymore. Why, what’s going on?”
“Nothing, I just—I heardthings.”
He leans forward, resting his forearms on his desk, his expression one of concern. “What kind of things?”
For several seconds, I hesitate to tell him, reluctant to discuss my lack of sex skills. It would be an admission, and I’m not ready for that. “Actually, forget it,” I say, waving a dismissive hand. “It’s probably all in my head.”
I take a couple of steps toward the door, but he gets up and joins me before I can open it. “Gen, are you sure you’re alright?” he insists, his coppery eyes fixed on mine.
“Yes, I am. Sorry, I’m just a little tired today, and it got the best of me.”
“You know you can talk to me, right? We’re not together anymore, but I’ll always care for you.”
This should feel comforting, but it doesn’t. If only he could care slightly more, we wouldn’t be in this situation. “Likewise, Eddie.”
Something passes between us, some kind of agreement that we’re really over and we’ll never be more than this. Friendly.
“I have a lunch meeting I need to prepare for,” I say, only partially lying.
“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you around, Gen.”
I smile as a reply and leave his office without another word. For some reason, I expected seeing him again to hurt more, but I can’t deny the indisputable truth as I walk back to the elevators. Our relationship died a long time ago, not on that Saturday. And I fear there’s nothing salvageable.
My steps toward my office lack their usual determination because doubts occupy my mind. As Hana put it, I will need to start over and find myself a replacement for Eddie. While I don’t necessarily need a man in my life for it to be complete, I have goals and aspirations for a family, and I need a man for that. As a very last resort, I’ll do it all alone. But I would rather have someone to share it with.
All these thoughts are running through my head for the next few hours, making it impossible to focus on my business lunch. Thankfully, or maybe not, my boss has decided to tag along for the meeting, which means he handles most of it while I distractedly sit there.
That stupid list won’t leave my mind, and the phone in my pocket weighs a ton.
The issue is that entering into another relationship right now would probably end as badly as the last. Men like sex, and my mediocre skills aren’t enough, so my next partner is bound to cheat or leave.
When the luncheon ends, my boss hops in a luxurious hired car, not offering to share it even though I’m also returning to NexaCorp’s headquarters. But it’s fine, because it gives me some time alone as I ride in my own taxi. I have fifteen to twenty minutes to myself.
The solution to my problem is relatively simple, isn’t it? First, get better at sex, try all those things I never did, and become a sex goddess. Then, find myself a nice, decent man to spend the rest of my life with.
Clear, concise, and straightforward. I can’t mess this up, can I? And I’m sure I can have some fun crossing out those fifty questions, too. But that’s all it must be—fun. I’m definitely not ready for anything serious again, not so soon after Eddie. But I also must ensure I don’t get attached to anyone. And the most basic way to do so is by not seeing too much of whomever I’ll experiment with.
One man per item on my list. Unless I can do more things in a single encounter, which would be rather efficient, wouldn’t it? This is my one rule, then. No seeing anyone twice. That’s easy. And I have the perfect candidate to start my quest—a certain pierced man.
One who manages to rob me of my attention despite barely knowing him.
Invigorated by what must be adrenaline, I pull out my phone from my pocket and make my way to Ladder Guy’s number. Before I can give myself time to change my mind, I type a quick message and hit send in the same go.
Me
