The thought alone makes my stomach twist.
Astrid’s face is in mine before I can get too lost in thought, sitting with me on the couch while she looks me over with a toothy smile.
“Mommy,” she says, adjusting herself in my lap. “You took too long.”
Unable to resist that face, I smile at her and keep my arms around her. “I know I did. Did you miss me?”
She hums and nods without hesitation.
“Well, I missed you more,” I return with a soft expression of my own, leaning in to brush our noses together.
Astrid giggles at this, light-hearted and completely unburdened by fear, duty, or bonds. It’s just pure, childlike joy. Just Astrid.
With her in my arms, everything else goes quiet, and nothing else matters.
Eventually, she settles in, curling up as her eyelids start to droop while she plays with the ends of my hair. I stroke her back, both grounding myself and soothing her into falling asleep. Soon enough, she dozes, and the weight of her on my lap is beyond comforting.
Mom walks in with two cups of tea, placing them on the side table between the couch and armchair, and after a quicksmile at Astrid’s sleeping form, she looks at me with that worry she tends to constantly carry for me.
“Are you doing all right, sweetheart?”
With some effort needed, I nod. “As all right as I can be… Thanks for watching Astrid.”
“Of course. She was perfect as always. A bit confused about where you were, but she managed well here,” Mom says, kind in the way she speaks to me. She’s one of the only people in my life who always has. “She’s certainly happy to see you now.”
That fact is enough to settle some of my more tumultuous feelings.
As much as I want to tell her about how unbearable the bond feels for me right now, how Caleb’s presence sucks the air from my lungs, or how I’m afraid of letting him in, I keep it to myself. I don’t want her worrying more than she already does.
So instead, we make light conversation, and when she decides it’s time to head home, she gets up. But, she doesn’t leave without gently touching my cheek, feeling both warm and steady.
“Be careful with your heart, Lila… but make sure you don’t lock it away.”
The words move something in me, then I nod, thanking her again. Part of me wishes I even had that kind of choice.
Mom kisses my forehead, gives Astrid’s back a gentle brush, then leaves.
When the door shuts and the house is quiet again, I allow myself to slip into the comfort of having my daughter near again. She still sleeps soundly, and I envy her for it. At the same time, I’d do anything to let her remain unaware of everything else happening around us.
An hour later, the door opens, making me tense up instinctively.
Caleb steps inside with ease, presence flooding both the house and our bond. Heat rushes through me before I can shield myself against it.
He stops when he sees me, and something softens in his expression. It’s almost unsettling how naturally he does it.
“We’re clear for now,” he murmurs, voice quiet as he notices Astrid napping on me. “Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.”
“Good,” I say simply, keeping my voice as neutral as possible.
After a brief pause, Caleb clears his throat. “I was thinking… maybe we should do something tonight.”
This catches me off guard immediately. “Like what?”
The way he shrugs is oddly boyish, and it moves something in me. “Something for the three of us to do, since we didn’t get to finish our last day.”
My heart lurches. “Caleb…”
“No pressure,” he adds, putting his hands up in quick defense. “Just something small. Something normal.”
