Everything in me screams to run. To break away from their attention and get as far away as I physically can. But I don’t.
Despite the relief that settles over me the moment we reach Varic, grateful to have the others behind us, the next step comes with its own challenges. The reality of what’s happening hits me even harder.
The ceremony begins, but I feel more like a spectator than a participant.
The current Alpha acknowledges us before he speaks, then he begins his introduction, but the words hardly register.
It’s a blur of subtle movements and phrases I’ve heard before when exchanged by other couples, but it all seems to lose its meaning. A blade is gently slid across my palm, then Caleb’s, but I barely feel it from how numb my whole body is. Even as our hands clasp together in a claiming hold, the pain doesn’t come.
Then, he leans in, pulling in my scent before pressing his neck against mine in a caress that’s far too close, and far too intimate. It somehow feels sharper than the knife, and it sends a rush of warm sensations that jolt me back to the present, punching straight through my chest.
Caleb’s scent surrounds me at once, overwhelming my senses to the point of pulling the breath from my lungs. It hurts so badly, yet it’s almost euphoric.
This is everything I ever wanted, but here and now, it just feels wrong.
I’m not supposed to need him after everything that happened before, and yet, I’m being forced to accept him.
Despite all the heartache and despite all the time spent getting over him, my body does it anyway.
My very soul lets him in.
I’m faintly shaking as we repeat the vows Varic goes through with us, struggling with how disorienting it all is. How in this moment, I’m trapped in something I don’t know how to process.
Finally, I’m guided through the last step—the worst of all.
With a clenched jaw, I look up at Caleb and his neutral expression before slowly lowering my head in a bow of submission. An offering I don’t want to give. Forcing myself into that position grates on my nerves, making the motion somewhat jerky and strained.
My blood burns as I hold it before he takes my hand in acceptance and guides me to my full height again.
Only then does his face change, eyes flickering with something resembling awe. Tenderness, even. It lasts long enough for me to notice before he schools it again.
Then, it’s done.
In a haze of steps and customary jargon, we’re mated, and Caleb now leads the pack with me by his side.
Afterward, the clearing is a frenzy of motion as the others begin to shift. As more fur than skin appears, the wolves dart towards the trees with a ripple of energy, prepared for the excitement of the ceremony’s cap.
Caleb, still holding my hand where our now-healed palms press together, looks down at me with all the pride of a new Alpha in his dark eyes. “It’s time.”
When he lets go of my hand, he steps forward and begins to shift. It happens so naturally for him as his wolf takes over, dark, massive paws hitting the ground as the weight of his new title rests on his shoulders like it was meant to be there.
He’s the Alpha, and I’m his mate. His chosen.
It’s like salt in every wound he ever left, and I have no choice but to bear it.
Nerves ripple through me at first, well aware of how difficult it usually is for me to muster up the ability to shift. But it dissipates surprisingly quickly, and before I know it, my wolf stirs inside me.
Whether it’s the new bond or from sensing the pack’s movement, everything comes to the surface and syncs with their rhythm. For a moment, that part of me feels strong. Not completely whole, but less brittle than usual.
Feeling called by Caleb’s end of the bond, I swallow hard and give in.
Everything around me crackles, limbs rearranging and snapping into place. The power pours over me, and when I blink, the forest sharpens. I feel more stable on my paws, and every sense kicks into high gear. The smells flood in, and the pack’s momentum rushes through me like a tidal wave.
Caleb’s scent encourages me forward, guiding me through the clearing and into the underbrush.
Pelts flash between the trees, paws thunder through the woods, and the distant calls send a shiver through my entire being.
It’s been so long since I shifted and felt the earth as I was meant to, and for the first time in my life, I almost feel like I belong. Almost.
