Chapter 1 - Lila
Astrid’s hand is warm and small in mine, yet reassuring as always, while we move through the pines. From within the trees, dew clings to the needles, occasionally letting those droplets fall onto our sweaters.
She hums a little song she made up just the other day, repeating it idly in her soft, endearingly off-key voice. Despite everything else weighing heavily on my mind, I smile down at her and the cheerful way she takes in the woods around us.
She has always liked the woods, as I have since I was a little girl. However, I found solace in it for different reasons.
The ground is still damp from last night’s rainfall, making every step quieter than usual. It’s peaceful, and for a moment, I don’t feel burdened by the past. Those moments are rare, and I always make sure to soak them in whenever I get the chance.
Out here, nobody can judge either of us, and nobody can get in the way of my attempt at raising her with a sense of normalcy. Not even the pack.
Tightening my grip on Astrid’s little hand tighter than I mean to, I loosen my hold on her and pull in a deep breath.
She glances up at me with those bright eyes. A deep green resembling my own that never fails to soften me. The only problem is that the rest of her features resemble her father’s. Caleb.
Not noticing, Astrid continues swinging our arms together, following her own rhythm.
Swallowing hard, I pull in a breath and try to force the thoughts of him away completely. But it doesn’t work, as it never does.
The way his name rises inside me instinctively, like it was waiting just under the surface, has always grated on my nerves, almost like a hungry thing demanding attention.
He used to walk this same path just like the rest of the pack did when we were young, but something about Caleb always stood out to me. He always had a way of commanding the space around him without even trying. He was always laughing and was always surrounded by others.
Even from that age, everyone knew he’d be the Alpha one day. He hasn’t been sworn in yet, but it’s only a matter of time.
Caleb used to take up way too much space in my head, pulling at something inside me, but I could never do anything about it. Not when I was a nobody… a throwaway member of the pack that no one like him would want.
I was always watching from the background, and people like Caleb made sure I stayed there.
As a low breeze sweeps through the trees, throwing different scents through the air, I let go of a sharp, uneven breath. After spending years trying to forget about him, I know I should stop. I can’t keep stewing about him and everything that happened.
But I’m still terrible at it, and walking through the woods with Astrid never fails to dig those memories back up. The threads I tried to cut linger still, despite how badly they hurt even now.
I went through my whole childhood being mocked and ridiculed because of how I looked, and since I didn’t come from a powerful family. When I found myself in high school, I hoped things would be better. I just wanted to escape that onslaught of negative attention from Caleb and the others. To blend in and find my place.
But I never did. If anything, it only got worse.
I didn’t look like the other girls. My frame was fuller, curvier than theirs, making me look almost too feminine. Too soft and incapable of fighting or showing any kind of physical strength. Even now, I’ve never managed to shake the very form I’ve been embarrassed by for far too long.
To top it all off, despite the way his words stung, something in me still longed for Caleb. Longed to know how it felt to be accepted and loved by him.
Every time I looked at him, my chest tightened, and something warm inside me pulsed, almost whispered to me that he was mine.
It was ridiculous, and I knew it, but still… I couldn’t push it away.
Caleb didn’t feel it, or at least, he chose to ignore it. Instead of drifting to me by fate like I thought he would, he chose to be cruel. He didn’t need to join in with the others when they taunted me, but he did.
That made the pain sear into my skin even hotter.
Just when I thought I was completely off his radar after graduation, he cornered me at a party smelling like whiskey and the promise of summer ahead. I should’ve walked away, and I should’ve known better. But it was a moment of weakness. Hell, I thought maybe he had come around to me after all.
Whether it was that longing rearing its head again or just a primal craving for some sort of affection, I gave in.
It was one night. One mistake. And one perfect moment that was shattered by everything that came after.
Caleb didn’t want me. He refused me even when I admitted how I felt, and just when I found out I was pregnantwith his baby, he left. Shipped out to get his military service over with before taking over as our Alpha.
He left me to deal with the fallout on my own. Hell, I never even had the chance to tell him in person.
