Her shoulders stiffened again. Barely.
“I know,” she said. “I am trying not to let it all crowd my brain, but it’s hard. Although whenever I do feel the need to talk, I will come straight to you. I don’t really have anyone else.”
“Who did you talk to about things before I came into your life?” I asked, suddenly curious. She had never mentioned friends and never talked about her life before the kidnapping. I hadn’t pushed her to either, but Lukyan’s voice came back in my head, reminding me how blind faith can often be dangerous.
“No one. I have never been one to make friends,” she shrugged, my heart aching for her.
“Would you like to buy something from here?” I asked finally, not wanting to comment on anything else.
“No,” she shook her head. “Maybe some other time.”
I opened the door, and she stepped outside as I followed right behind her. On the way out, I handed her a small box wrapped in minimalist gift paper with a red ribbon tied on top. I had gotten things for her before, but this was the first time I had wrapped something this way.
“What’s this?” she asked.
“A phone. For you.”
Her fingers froze.
“You don’t have to take it,” I added. “But I thought—”
She opened it carefully, like it might bite.
“This isn’t monitored?” she asked.
“No.”
“And it doesn’t have any trackers that will tell you my location?”
“No.”
She looked at me, something raw flickering across her face. “Why?”
“So you don’t feel trapped and can start feeling normal again.”
Her throat bobbed. “You’re bad at pretending you don’t care about me.”
“I’m not pretending.”
That shut her up. Back in the car, dusk settled around us. She turned the phone on, stared at the screen without touching it.
“You can message anyone,” I said.
“I know.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“I know.”
We pulled into the driveway just as the sky went dark. Inside, she lingered by the door like she wasn’t sure where to go.
“Ilana,” I said. “Listen to me.”
She turned as if she had been waiting for me to say something. “Yes?”
I took her hand in mine and led her inside the bedroom, and she quickly propped herself on the bed as I sat down beside her. I had been thinking about having this conversation with her for a while now. I just did not know how to go about it.
“I don’t want this to be transactional anymore.”
