Hell, I guess all three of them are affecting me in ways I didn’t anticipate. How am I supposed to stick to my original plan when I’m constantly going to think about them? Maybe I’m not as strong as I thought.
I pull out some clothes and head into the attached bathroom to shower and scrub myself. My slick-coated panties and night time shorts end up bundled in a ball on the floor; I’ll have to do some late-night laundry. It’d also probably be a good idea to tell the guys that this room is off-limits to them from here on out, just in case.
Beyond that, I don’t know what else I can do here. Keep to myself, stick to my own business, but without a phone and a link to the outside world, I’m going to get pretty bored doing my own thing all the time. At least at home, the internet is vast. I’m used to being alone, yes, but here and now it’s a different feat entirely.
Why? Because deep down I don’t want to be alone, and that’s a terrifying thing to admit to myself.
Chapter Sixteen – Mason
My brother comes to my room just before lunch with a disturbed look on his face. I wasn’t doing anything in particular—I never am—but still, I don’t appreciate him barging in whenever he wants to. I really should start locking the damn door.
I’m sitting on the edge of my bed, openly glaring at his intrusion, when I huff, “What the fuck do you want?” Exhaustion is starting to wear at me, but still, I can’t fucking sleep. It sucks.
“Jess just told me she doesn’t want any of us going into her room from here on out,” he says as he moves toward me. He sits beside me, his shoulders slumping. He radiates a sullen, morose air that tells me he wants me to ask him about it.
But I don’t. I don’t want to. At this point, I don’t want to do anything, and that’s the problem here. I just feel… lost, like I’m perpetually living in a dream even though I’m not. A shitty dream I can’t wake up from no matter how hard I try.
“So what?” I huff, trying to act like I don’t care, because I don’t. Whatever’s going on with Jess, I definitely don’t give a shit. Not a single one. I don’t care that there’s a third alpha currently rooming in this house, nor do I care he had to borrow some of our dads’ clothes.
If I keep acting like I don’t care about anything, sooner or later it’ll become true, won’t it? It’s the goal I’ve been operating under for years now, and typically my attitude stops people from ever asking too many questions or caring too much, even our parents.
It’s just… it’s strangely getting harder lately, and I think I owe it to that omega and my brother.
“We’ve still got some time before her heat,” my brother whispers. “I can’t stop wondering if it’s something I did.”
I know he carries guilt over how their friendship ended all those years ago. If Jess and him haven’t talked about it yet, obviously they’re both planning on pretending like nothing ever happened, and if that’s the case, I don’t blame her for wanting nothing to do with him.
Somehow though, even though I shouldn’t give a shit, I don’t like hearing my brother so down in the dumps, so I say, “Maybe it has to do with that Rourke guy. Seems like they have a connection or some shit.”
Surely my brother spotted it. I pegged it the first time I saw them together, when he waltzed in like he owned the place. His über pheromones got stronger the second he saw her near me. He’d been able to keep better control of said pheromones when we had dinner together, but he still royally pissed me off.
“No,” Asher says. “She told me to let him know, too. She doesn’t want any of us in her room.” I notice he doesn’t address the remark about Rourke’s and Jess’s connection, but I don’t comment on it.
“Maybe she’s just getting prepared for her heat.” I think back to what I told her, how I scolded her for possibly ruining my brother’s life by getting him entangled in all of this. Maybe I was a little harsh at the time.
“Maybe. Still, it feels like she’s pushing me away.”
“Why do you even care? She’s not your omega.” The moment those words leave me, it’s like I’m not only reminding my brother of that, but also myself—which is stupid, because I don’t want her to be mine.
He sounds sad when he whispers, “I know. I… maybe it’s dumb, but the longer we’re here, the more I think about what happened ten years ago and where we could’ve been if I would’ve been a better person.”
“You were a kid.”
“So was she, and she lost everything.” My brother sighs. “Maybe she would be my omega if I would’ve been what she needed me to be.”
This is the first time I’m hearing about any of this. “Are you trying to say you have feelings for her?” I can’t help but sound shocked, but I really shouldn’t be. Agreeing to bring her up here and help her out should’ve been my first clue.
“Am I crazy if the answer’s yes?” My brother looks at me then, his green gaze full of uncertainty, though I don’t think that uncertainty is about him liking Jess. No, I think it’s more about the future, how things could progress from here.
“If you do, then…” I don’t know what to tell him, honestly. I’m not good at this stuff, never have been, but I know that him liking her makes things complicated. The whole reason she came up here was to avoid being matched and mated, not to reconnect with a friend who did her wrong during the worst time of her life.
Asher must sense what I’m thinking, because he stands and starts to pace the length of my room. “I know. I know. Obviously I need to talk to her about what happened before, but… I also know I shouldn’t push her before her heat. Rourke made it clear he’s here to make sure she gets what she wants, and I don’t want to put her inheritance in jeopardy for selfish reasons.”
I’m strangely quiet when I say, “Liking her doesn’t make you selfish.”
“Maybe not, but it feels like it.” He stops pacing and looks at me. A moment passes before he apparently decides to change the subject: “You sure you’re doing okay?”
I wasn’t anticipating the switch up, so for a while, all I can do is blink at him as his question sinks in. You’d think, after doing it for so long, putting that angry mask back on would be easy and effortless, but sometimes… sometimes it’s the most difficult thing in the world.
