I take my time in answering him. “I always regretted how I acted back then. I think, now, I just want her to know I feel terrible for what I did and what I didn’t do, and that… that I’m here for her.”
As I say the words, I shake my head slightly. I said that to Rourke, but I still have yet to formally apologize to Jess herself. Maybe that makes me a coward.
Or maybe I’m just scared she won’t forgive me. If she doesn’t, I honestly don’t know what I’d do or how I’d feel, other than terrible.
Rourke summarizes what I just said: “This is your way of trying to make it up to her.”
With a nod, I say, “Yeah, I guess so. Pretty dumb, huh?”
The alpha across from me studies me. Intensity radiates off him in waves, but I don’t know if that’s only because he’s an über, or if he’s just an intense person. I suppose it could be both. “No. I might not have experience dealing with things like this, but I think life is just about doing what you can do, owning your mistakes, apologizing for them, and putting your best footforward. No one can change the past, but the future? The future’s always up for grabs.”
His statement is strangely compelling and comforting in a way I can honestly say I wasn’t expecting. It’s why, when he says what he says next, I’m taken aback.
“Do you like her?” The question sounds innocent enough, spoken with no trace of malice or envy, like he’s asking about the weather outside and not about the omega who believes he might fancy her.
I don’t know why, but I don’t feel like answering that particular question just yet. I ask him, “Does it matter?”
“Yes,” he says quickly, but then he pauses. “And no. I don’t know her well at all, but when I look at her, I think she’s lost. I think she knows what she wants short-term, but once tomorrow comes—once she’s overcome her first heat without joining a pack—I don’t know if she’ll know what to do next. You liking her might be exactly what she needs, but at the same time, you liking her might be at odds with her short-term goal, which means I need to watch you and make sure you don’t interfere with what she wants.”
It’s so bizarre to me, that this alpha sounds like he genuinely cares about her. It’s so bizarre to me, in fact, I feel almost silly for being jealous. The conflicting emotions aren’t something I’m used to dealing with.
When I don’t say a word, Rourke goes on, “What about your brother?”
“What about him?”
“He said he was here before you both came up, which I believe, but it’s clear he doesn’t appreciate me being here. Beyond that, he actually seemed pretty protective of Jess. Do I have to worry about him?”
I don’t really know what to say. It’s true Mason acted all tough and growly when Rourke appeared, and during dinner hewas no better, but that’s just how he is all the time. He’s not fun to be around. He didn’t act that way because of Jess… did he?
“That’s just how he is,” I say, though now the seed of doubt has been planted inside of me. The thought of my brother liking Jess was not a possibility I thought of, mostly because I wasn’t expecting him to be here in the first place. But, even so, he wouldn’t.
Would he?
Rourke takes my silence in stride, saying, “Either way, I’ll be watching you both. Don’t take it personally. Unlike you two, I’ve trained for situations like this. The closer she gets to her heat, she’s going to get more… alluring, whether she means to or not. That scent-blocking cream she likes to use won’t stop it from happening. If you two prove to me you cannot handle yourselves around her when she’s nearing her heat, it means you cannot be trusted to be near her when her heat is here.”
His words are a heavy weight pressing upon my shoulders, burdening me to the point where I feel like I didn’t quite realize the implications of what might happen up here. Is Rourke right in wondering if my brother and I can handle it, if we can handle her? What if we can’t keep ourselves off her?
Of course I thought about it before, but that was when I thought it would be just Jess and me up here, where we could have entirely separate floors and never see each other once her heat arrived.
“And if that’s the case,” he finishes, “then I’ll have no choice but to take her out of here. You understand that, don’t you? At least right now, you agree with what I’m saying, but I want you to be aware that you might not always—and if shit hits the fan, I will not hesitate to do what I have to if it means keeping you and your brother off her.”
It’s not a threat, even though it sounds like one. No, he’s simply letting me know the facts. He’s bigger than meand Mason, even though my brother’s an über like him. He’s tactically trained. He let us tie him up, went along with us even though he could’ve easily overpowered and over-dominated each of us.
I nod and say, “I understand. I want what’s best for Jess. If I end up being weaker than I thought I was, then… then you’ll do what you have to.”
Rourke’s blue eyes twinkle in approval. “Good man. Now, let me help you clean this up.” He stands and grabs his plate, then comes around the table to grab my brother’s, leaving my plate and Jess’s to me.
My mind is turning as I get up. Whether he meant to or not, Rourke gave me a lot to think about.
Chapter Fifteen – Jess
I’m sitting in the middle of the overly-large bed in the designated heat room, AKA my temporary bedroom, when I hear a knock on the door. I don’t know how long it’s been, but I’m in no mood to talk to anyone right now, especially Rourke.
I can’t tell who it is on the other side of that door—my money’s split between Asher and Rourke—so I yell, “Go away.”
Of course, whoever it is doesn’t go away, though I suppose it could be because he can’t hear me through the door. The door is thicker than a normal door, built to help soundproof this particular room.
So he comes in without being invited, and I immediately see it’s Rourke. Of freaking course.
