My hands and cheeks tingled despite the warm temperature.
“Trauma cripples us in ways we don’t realize,” he said.
I swallowed. “I’ve been through therapy. I’ve already done all I can.”
The silence made my pulse quicken.
“All you could do out there,” he said. “Nightfall has other options.”
I slowly returned my gaze to his. “Like what?”
He watched me intently, laser-focused on my reaction.
“Special remedies that will help you process it, remember it more clearly, understand it,” he said.
I chuckled hesitantly. “What, do you guys have world-class chemists working here?”
“Something like that,” Caelan said, a slight smirk tugging at his lips.
Oh god, they were drug dealers.
I took a deep breath and looked at the fire.
I’d crossed the term “micro-dosing” once in my search for a solution to my hallucinations. Perhaps they were trying this out.
“Why do you care if I progress in Raicanya or not?” I asked.
“We care about the progression of anyone who has promise,” he said. “Exploiting the skills of brilliant minds is beneficial to everyone, including that person. That is our goal here. If there is something we can provide you to help you excel, we will offer it.”
And not give it to me without me knowing?
He produced a leather pouch from his pocket and removed a thin glass vial. Reaching out, he held it in his palm, offering it to me.
“It is a serum,” he said. “Made with special ingredients kept hidden within Nightfall for centuries. I think it can help you.”
I stared at the amber liquid in the vial.
“What does it do?” I asked.
“It promotes production of certain enzymes in the brain that access memory and your ability to process it,” he said. “Sometimes the brain can be stuck on something that you cannot remember, and you do not realize how much energy you waste trying to figure out what that is.”
I closed my eyes. What was this, some concoction that induced psychosis? Would it help me recall my lost memories?
“No one desires reliving their worst memories,” Caelan said quietly. “But until we do, we live a half-life.”
I found him watching me, but he was unreadable. Despite what I knew the Aurkai withheld from me about the missing Initiates, I also believed that what he was saying was true. I trusted their intentions; it was their methods that sucked.
“Alright. What do I do?”
Caelan relaxed, a sincere smile spreading across his face.
“Take it before you go to sleep,” he said. “Let me know when you do it. I will check on you.”
I nodded.
“Thanks,” I muttered, slipping the vial in my pocket.
I left without another word.
