“I can’t believe you’re going to do this,” she said.
“I know it’s crazy,” I said. “But I can’t put that night to rest until I know what happened. I think it has something to do with my dad. This might be my only chance to learn about her past. I have to try or I’ll regret it.”
Katie looked like she was about to plan my funeral.
“I’m not dying, you know,” I said, a wry grin on my lips.
“I knew you talking to Derrick wouldn’t be good,” she muttered. “You’ve done so much, Anna. So much to get where you are. You were going to start classes with me. You were about to start dating and everything! Are you sure you can trust him?”
I touched her hand, drawing her attention to me.
“This has nothing to do with Derrick,” I said.
“Have you asked him, Anna? He knew your mom from a long time ago, right? He must know who your dad is. Make him tell you what is going on!” Katie pleaded.
I stiffened as if she’d slapped me in the face. I’d asked Derrick many times about my family, where my mom was from, and other innocuous questions typical of a child. He always deflected, never giving me an honest answer.
“I know Derrick’s withholding information, but he’s not lying to me,” I said.
Eiryn gave me a curious look, a glint of gold in his eyes.
“How do you know that?” he asked.
I exhaled slowly. It was hard to explain, and I knew if I tried, they wouldn’t get it. It was a feeling.
The memories broke free, my mind flooding with moments of my past I hadn't thought about in years. Derrick had brought stability whenever he was around. It was like something in me settled with his presence. I could breathe easier. When he was gone, my mom and I both felt it.
Like something was wrong.
He left and did not return, but someone else did. I’d have felt it if Derrick returned, and if he had, no one would’ve dared touch my mom or me. No, there were two others there that night. A monster… and someone else.
“I just know,” I said, refusing to try to articulate my feelings on this.
Katie scoffed and threw her hands up indignantly.
“Fine. Let’s say Derrick has nothing but good intentions. Somehow, you went missing for a year on his watch. And now he wants you to go to the same place your mom did before she decided to go into hiding for years?” Katie said. “The fact is that something bad happened to your mom, Anna. No one whoknows you thinks you could’ve hurt her, so don’t give me thatI killed herbullshit. Whoever did this got to her, and now you’re going to go out there and announce yourself to them.”
I couldn’t look at her. Katie was my closest friend. She wouldn’t say this if she weren’t truly worried about me.
How did I tell her it didn’t matter?
“She might be right, Anna,” Eiryn said quietly.
My fingers trembled. But it would be worse if they came here. What if they went after Katie, or Eiryn, or Susan?
“They brought me back. Whoever did this to me took me and brought me right the fuck back,” I said, tightening my fist. “They already know where I am. If they wanted me dead, I’d be dead. Besides, I’m not announcing anything to anyone. But I’m tired of everyone having more information than I do and never being able to share anything with me. I’m going to figure out what happened to my mom.”
Katie shook her head. “Okay. I hate this, but you know I’ll always support you. But I swear to God, if I go a week without hearing from you, I’ll fly out there and collect you myself. Got it?”
I smiled, unshed tears lost as I threw my arms around her.
“Deal.”
The drive wasquiet except for my heartbeat thundering in my ears. I’d known Susan since freshman year of high school, but despite everything, I still didn’t know what to say to her in this moment. A simple thank you sounded worse than saying nothing at all, as if two words could cover the enormous debt that I owed her.
I swayed forward as Susan braked, the seat belt bracing across my chest as it locked. I tried to swallow, but my throat was too tight. She pulled off the road, shifting the gear into park. I tried to take a deep breath but couldn’t satisfy my need for oxygen.
She pressed the hazard button, and the monotonous clicking of the blinkers echoed between us.
