A shudder overtook me as I tried to shake the memory of being there.
What kind of power did it take for a mage to have done that?
The thought made me feel alone and vulnerable. Not even Nightfall’s barricaded walls of intensely potent everi could change that. It made sense now. The river that flowed in far below-freezing temperatures. The radical impact that knocked out most recruits when they jumped from the cliff. The body had to be disarmed and forced to adjust. The more tense you were, the more injuries you would sustain. Just being here would probably kill a normal person.
The fear my mom lived in, heard throughout my childhood as she screamed in the night from horrors while she slept, was all too real now.
My guilt was unbearable.
It was no longer hard to imagine something horrible happening to Annabelle here. Those who played with fire would eventually get burned.
I never would’ve guessed my mom was hiding a secret like this. A secret that, if they’d told me, might have been avoided. Anger welled up in the pit of my stomach like a devil on my shoulder. Her reasons had been valid to her, but it was a mistake that resulted in her death—and I was liable for it.
I used to think it would be freeing to know for sure, one way or the other, if I was crazy. But I was trapped now more than ever by my own guilt.
Her death was still my fault—whatever that power was, I’d let it in. I was angrier than I’d ever been. That, I was sure of. And nothing would ever change that fact. I could never fix it. She was dead because of it and I still didn’t know why. People got angry. People felt things.
That didn’t mean those feelings killed people.
Or shadows.
Right?
Why had someone wanted to hurt her? Did she know something? It wasn’t like she ever shared information.
I had to know. I had to know why. Why had they taken her from me? But where did I start?
My everi was pulsing through my body.
I had to get control of it.
In this world, power was all that mattered.
Ezreal was right—I was weak.
I laughed, a low and hollow sound, alone, and utterly lost, as the wind carried all sound away.
I’d finally gotten what I wanted—the truth. And yet, the entire world was now my prison. I was locked in with fear, anger, and pain as my companions. A pain that caused me to lose control in moments spent alone and, in the darkness, where the despair I’d tried to keep inside consumed me.
Isabellaand I hung out that night in my dorm, processing impossible information.
“I’m glad you didn’t take forever to become an Adept!” she squealed.
I smiled softly, wishing I could feel excited about it. I still hadn’t spoken with her about Malakai’s attack. I wanted to give her time before pressing her, but I couldn’t wait any longer.
“Isabella, what happened with Malakai?” I whispered.
She laid back on my bed, clenching a pillow. “It’s a long story.”
“I heard Commander Everson talking about it in my meeting with the Aurkai,” I said. “It sounds like he’s barely getting a slap on the wrist.”
Isabella tsked. “These people don’t look at things the same way we do, Anna. They think that since both Saryna and I were easily patched up, there was little harm in Malakai’s actionsand an understandable mistake. And by ‘they’ I mean Ezreal Kalmont.”
A hollow ache formed in my chest. She was right. Ezreal Kalmont. Who was he, and why did he have such power over the others?
“Why did he attack you? What the hell was he thinking?” I asked.
Isabella looked irritated. “I don’t think he was thinking. He thinks he will awaken some long dormant power if he consumes enough blood—he’s insane.”
