He frowned. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped. I didn’t mean what I said.”
“Then why say it at all?”
“I don’t know, love. I’ve always been jealous by nature. I agreed to share you with my brothers and that damn demon, but it still bothers me to know you do with them what you do with me.”
I wrapped my arms tighter around his neck and pulled him flat on top of me, his knee bumping against my center teasingly. “What I do with each of you is different. We all have different relationships. You can’t compare our relationship to theirs and mine. Right now, it’s just us. Me and you, Thaddeus.”
“You’re right.” His eyes pierced mine. “But I’m not well-versed in relationships. Honestly, I thought I’d be able to fuck you out of my system, but after that night, I fell deeper for you. I’ve not been able to get you out of my head.”
My mouth was dry. “Such a back handed thing to say.”
“How so?”
“I thought you came to me that night to comfort me about the loss of my family and...Corbin.” I swallowed hard as I thought about the sweet brunette that gave his life for mine. “I didn’t realize all you wanted was to scratch an itch.”
Thaddeus’s eyes bulged. “That wasn’t it. I came that night to comfort you. I didn’tplanon sleeping with you.”
My chest ached as I remembered the way he’d bolted afterwards. “Well, there wasn’t any sleeping. You left right after.”
His jaw ticked, and he tore his gaze away from me.
Lying on his bed with him hovering over me made every fucking fiber of my being buzz, but Thaddeus was the most complicated person to read.
“I didn’t want to believe what I’d been feeling for you is real,” he admitted.
“And how’s that going?”
He flicked his eyes to mine. “Not well, obviously.”
“I’ve already fallen for you, asshole,” I grumbled. “But that doesn’t give you a free pass to be a dick.”
His jaw slacked as he froze. “You have?”
“I’m pretty sure I made my intentions known with you.”
He blinked, rubbing his jaw. “I just...part of me wants you to leave me be, but the other part just wants to give in and have you.”
“Then have me,” I murmured, reaching up and touching his stubble. “I’m right here.”
The control in his eyes dissipated and filled with desire, and he pushed his knee in closer to my core as I squirmed against it. “It’s not going to change anything.”
“Why not?” I panted.
“Because I still have night terrors,” he spat the words, dousing the heat building inside me with an ice cold wave. “I relive murdering my bloody family every night. How can I allow myself to be happy with you when they don’t get that chance? My younger brother didn’t get the chance to grow up because ofme.”
“Thaddeus.” I shook my head, pulling his face closer to mine and kissed the corner of his mouth. “What happened to your family was horrific and unfair, but it wasn’t on you.”
“Lilith.” He tried to pull away, but I tightened my hold around his neck.
“No. Shut up and listen to me,” I snapped. “You were used as a weapon. You weren’t the one that pulled the trigger. The vampire that turned you did. Stop fucking pulling away from me.”
“I know that.” His voice cracked. “Logically, I’m well aware. But I feel so bloody guilty every morning.”
“Don’t feel guilty for letting yourself be happy.” I kissed the other side of his mouth. “It fucking hurts me when you say you don’t deserve happiness.”
He frowned, bringing his lips to my cheek. “I’m not trying to hurt you. Seeing Viktor bring you to the brink of death and me not being able to stop it made me realize how much I care about you.”
“Then, can you try?”
