Suddenly, running is easy. I’m light. I’m flying. I’m happy and there’s joy in this chase that I’ve glimpsed before, but I haven’t embraced.
I want to be with Kirill. Not for the luxury, or for my friends’ excitement that he made books available for them. Or the potential for new friends in the Maths Club. Not for the fact that he’s a much better, and kinder person than he makes out. Not even for the orgasms.
I’m going to stay with Kirill because of how we fit together, and how I feel when I’m with him. I really feel like I’m special to him.
The sound of his feet, fast and solid behind me is comfort.
I love him. I’d give up anything to be with him, but by some miracle, I don’t even need to do that.
Sometimes, you just have to realise how stupidly lucky you are, and accept it. That’s where I’m at.
I think I love Kirill.
It’s a shocking truth. He said he’ll show me what he wants, and my heart certainly agrees that I want that.
I pass a set of three trees that I recognise. My mind’s eye fills in where we are, including where the trail weaves around another, even bigger tree just before we reach the wall, completely obscuring the path ahead.
Kirill is close behind me. A glance over my shoulder reveals a grinning pink with crossed out eyes, and a scream tangles in my throat.
I could stop, now. Let him catch me.
And that’s when I understand that we both need something else from this chase. He won’t think that I’ll turn back towards the house, and hide. He’s expecting to have to prove that he cares for me, when everything he’s been doing since he kidnapped me has been proof enough.
And for me, if he catches me, how will I ever believe that he’s not just ensuring my silence over his hobby.
But if I can win, and he still wants me…
And suddenly, it’s so incredibly clear. I’m afraid no one will truly love me, or that, like with my parents, I’ll wake up and find I’m not wanted anymore. And there’s only one solution to fear.
I have to be brave. I have to ask for what I want.
I have towin.
22
KIRILL
I give her just enough space that if she really wants to escape, she can.
Maybe.
Following her is different in the dark. I’m working off sound, a flash of movement, and instinct.
The pink of the mask’s glow tinges my vision.
I run after her, totally focussed. I’m going to catch her, tell her I love her, and ensure she knows she’smine. That I need her by my side, always.
I curse this stupid suit that has no flexibility at all, and I’m struck with concern that she could take a wrong turn. She could get lost. But I follow the beat of her swift footsteps, gaining on her steadily. I don’t want to scare her by being right behind her.
She’s a pale shadow ahead, the pink of her dress and her skin gleaming in the moonlight that filters through the leaves above.
We’re close to the wall. I put down a spurt of speed, round the corner that skirts a huge oak tree, and… Stop.
She’s gone.
My throat is squeezed by an invisible hand. She wasjust there. Almost within grabbing distance.
I know she wanted to be caught.
