‘I’ll send an invite for you and Felix,’ I tell her.
‘Sure.’ For the first time since we’ve been chatting, her eyes lose a little of their sparkle. At first, Luke and I used to socialize with Elena and her husband a lot, going round to their house for dinner, grabbing cocktails on a Friday night, but it began to fizzle out. I got the feeling that everything was not rosy in paradise, and eventually I was proved right.
I check my phone for the time. How much longer is Luke going to be?
‘You know what?’ I say, looking again in my husband’s direction. ‘Could you tell him I’ve just realized there’s something I need to do? If he texts or calls when he’s finished, I’ll shoot back in the car and pick him up.’
‘Of course,’ she says, smiling. ‘But, you know, I could always give him a lift home when we’re finished.’
‘Would you? That would actually be helpful.’ As Elena said those words, I realized I might have to forgo my long bath for another errand. There’s something important to do with the party that I really need to make a decision on.
‘My pleasure,’ she says, and her smile is so warm and genuine that I actually feel a bit less intimidated by her. ‘I’ve kind of got used to taking care of him,’ she adds, laughing. ‘It’s not a bad thing, I think, no? For a man to have a wife at home and a “wife” at work?’
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
JESS
‘Thanks for letting me drop in.’ I slide into a stool at the breakfast bar on the kitchen island and warm my hands round the cup of tea that Lola has just made me.
She bustles around, opening cupboards, and returns with a tin lined with kitchen paper and filled with puff-puffs. I honestly can’t resist the doughnutty little balls of fried batter, so I stuff one into my mouth and swallow it with a glug of hot tea.
‘This is your home, too, Jessica. You know you are welcome at any time.’
I nod, even though, for most of my life, this has been a logical knowledge rather than a feeling that has lived inside of me. What I’m realizing now is that this has nothing to do with the hospitality of my stepmother and everything to do with my own reticence. Looking back in my journal, I can see I’ve been visiting my father and his family – no,myfamily – more often in the last twelve months, and I’m glad about that. Other Jess, the Jess who lives here in the in-between periods, might have left me in a mess because she got grouchy last night, but she’s been doing some things right.
Lola rests against the stool next to me. ‘You look as if you have something on your mind.’
‘Well, you know I’ve been planning this party for Luke … ’
‘Yes?’
‘I’ve been holding out sending the invitations because I just can’t make a decision about something.’
‘Is it the venue? Have you already paid a deposit? Because you can have it here if you want.’
I sigh heavily. ‘It’s less to do with the venue and more to do with the guest list. I was hoping to pick your brain about a tricky matter.’
Lola gives me a look that says,Okay … Continue.
‘You see, the last time we had a big event, you know, hiring a venue and caterers, music and dancing, was our wedding. And you know how that went.’
I wait for a moment. The movement of Lola’s eyes tells me she’s sorting through a catalogue of memories from that day and then her eyes widen, and she nods. ‘You are talking about your mother.’
‘Yes. We’ve been trying to support her, you know. And I love her to bits, but I’m also worried she might do something to spoil the night. I know she doesn’t mean to. I know she doesn’t plan it, but honestly, I think she’s in a worse place now than she was four years ago, and the potential for a repeat performance is high.’
There. I’ve said it.
Lola presses her lips together and nods, considering her reply. She pushes the tin of puff-puffs towards me and even grabs one herself. ‘I’m very honoured that you wish to seek my advice, but I don’t know if I am the best person to counsel you on this.’
I sigh again. I know this. But who else can I ask? I should be using my own mother as a sounding board, but unfortunatelyshe’s often the problem rather than the solution. ‘I do know that, and I’m sorry if this puts you in a difficult position. I suppose I was just hoping for some family wisdom.’
Lola reaches out and touches my arm. ‘I cannot give you specific advice about your mum – I think it would be wrong of me to do so – but wisdom is always free.’ She thinks for a moment, then adds, ‘The one thing you have to realize is that this is not about you.’
Oh. The smile falls from my face. She thinks I’m making it all about me? Am I being selfish? Narcissistic?
She catches my expression and quickly explains. ‘I mean that your mum’s drinking has nothing to do with you. You cannot stop her.’
Ain’t that the truth! I’ve tried everything.
