I look into Simon’s eyes, and I believe he means this.
‘Do you think …? Do you think there’s any chance for us? I miss you.’
I sigh. ‘I miss you, too. It would be strange not to after spending so many years together and then suddenly not seeing each other every day.’ I push the foam on top of my latte around with a spoon. ‘There’s a part of me that still loves you …’ Simon sits straighter as I say these words, then slumps again as I add, ‘but I don’t think I will ever feel the same way about you again. I don’t think there’s any going back.’
He presses his lips together, looking defeated. ‘I understand why you feel that way. Of course, I’m disappointed. And so, so sorry. But if there’s anything I can do for you, Erin, anything at all …’
‘The one thing I need from you is answers, Simon. True, complete and honest answers. Do you think you’re capable of that?’
‘Ooh, ouch,’ he says, with a glint of one of his naughty grins, but it disappears again quickly. ‘But yes. I will do my best.’
I watch his face carefully. Whether this is something Simon can manage remains to be seen. I dive in with one of the most difficult questions first, just in case he decides to bail early before I’ve finished getting everything off my chest. ‘Why did you lie and say it wasn’t you who gave Megan the ket?’
Simon looks confused. ‘Hang on, now … I didn’t ever actually lie to you, did I? I never said that.’
‘Yes, you did. When I asked you about it afterwards, you said you knew nothing about it.’
‘When did I say that? Before you left for the Caribbean?’
‘No … after that. When we were messaging … Oh! That wasn’t you? That was Gil?’
Simon shrugs. ‘Must have been.’
It takes me a few moments for me to fully process the irony of this revelation. I convicted Gil of the crime, using his own declaration of innocence as my evidence. ‘But even if you didn’t lie to me at the start, you certainly knew that’s what I believed later on. Why did you never put me right?’
‘I was afraid.’
‘Afraid I’d tell the police?’
He shakes his head. ‘No. Afraid of what it would do to us. It was such early days.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘You’ve asked me to be honest, and I’m going to be honest with you, Erin. But I warn you, you’re not going to like what I’m about to tell you.’
‘That’s okay,’ I say. ‘It’s still better than being in the dark.’
‘I saw the chemistry between you and Gil right from the very first night Megan introduced us to you. He liked you, you know …’
I look away, scared he’ll think the flush in my cheeks is caused by something other than the cool breeze. ‘Yeah, I know.’ An image of Gil’s face as he told me he loved me, that he’d always loved me, fills my mind, and it takes my breath away.
It was always and only you …
Simon’s voice drags me back to the present.
‘It all started with a girl I met about six months before I first met you. I liked her. I mean, really liked her. But the moment she set eyes on Gil, it was clear I’d been instantly friend-zoned. They hit it off, had a bit of a fling, and I was salty about it.’
‘Gil knew you liked her?’
He shakes his head. ‘But I held it against him anyway. Gil has always been better than me at everything –better at academic stuff, more successful in his career.’ He looks across at me, his eyes filled with regret. ‘Better at being a human being … I suppose I was jealous.’
‘But he’s always been such a good friend to you.’
Simon looks sheepish. ‘I know. I said you weren’t going to like this, and I’m not proud of myself either. But when I saw he liked you, I decided it was time for a bit of payback, so I swooped in and chatted you up first.’
I blink. Wasn’t this almostexactlywhat Dream Simon said in his speech at my fake wedding? How did I do that? How did I know? ‘So you didn’t even like me for me right from the start. It was just childish tit for tat? Thanks a bunch!’
‘But I did like you! As soon as we spent some time together, I could see why Gil had a crush on you. So when you told me why you didn’t like him, that you thought he was partly responsible for Meg’s death, I didn’t want to put you straight. And you have to remember that you didn’t tell me this until after you came home for Valentine’s Day and were back together. I didn’t want to lose you.’
