Just one kiss …a little voice in his head whispered.Surely you deserve that? And she’d kiss you back. Willingly. You know that.
Yes. But the other thing he couldn’t stop thinking about was the man who’d be waiting for her at the altar in just two days’ time. While he didn’t know that guy, didn’t owe him anything,he kept imagining it was him in that suit turning to the back of the church when the organ struck up, strangely breathless as she walked towards him …
How would he feel if she was his bride and she’d lost her memory before the big day? And if, while she’d been vulnerable and alone, she’d developed feelings for someone else? Not only that, but the guy had capitalised on it, encouraged it? He didn’t think he had words for the rage he imagined he’d feel. So, no … He wouldn’t be making any moves.
Because in less than ten minutes, Alice would cease to exist. She’d become Lili again, firmly cemented back into her other life. And if her memories did come back all at once, like the doctor had warned they might, she’d forget every second of the time they’d spent together. ‘Alice’ would merely be an echo, reverberating in no one’s ears but his own.
‘Come on,’ he said, treading softly as he started in the direction of the gate. ‘It’s time.’
Chapter Fifty-One
Two weeks before the wedding.
I RAN OUT of the front door of the building, tears streaming down my face, and gulped back a sob as I saw what was left of my precious violin. The neck had snapped from the body. The strings were curled and broken. I knelt on the freezing paving slabs in my pyjamas and began scooping the bits of wood up.
Could it be fixed? I didn’t even know. It would probably cost more than a new violin to put it right, and it might never sound the same, even if that were possible, but I couldn’t bear the thought of giving up on Octavia. She’d been with me through everything.
Still crying, I made my way back inside into the elevator. The lights remained off when I got back inside the flat, and Justin was nowhere to be seen. I’d have been tempted to believe it had all been a horrible nightmare, but for the evidence gathered in my hands.
I carefully laid the pieces down on the kitchen counter, then ran back to the study to get the violin case. The only thing I could think of was protecting what was left of Octavia by placing it inside, but it felt as if I was laying her out in a coffin.
I hid the case in the cupboard in the hall, then I dithered about what to do next.I didn’t want to talk to Justin. To be honest, I wanted to run away into the night and never see him again, but I also knew I couldn’t leave this until morning. I couldn’t let him brush over it and pretend it hadn’t happened, as he’d done with so many other situations.
I heaved a breath in and headed into our bedroom. He was lying in bed, his hands behind his head, staring up at the ceiling. He didn’t look in my direction, although he must have heard me open the door. I stood at the threshold, heart thudding unevenly. ‘How could you do that?’ I asked, my voice raw with tears.
‘I didn’t do anything. It was you. You lunged for the thing and knocked it out of my hand. So, if you’re looking for someone to blame—’
‘No.’ My whole torso was trembling. ‘That’s not what happened.’ In my mind’s eye, I could clearly see Justin’s fingers releasing the neck of the violin a mere split-second before my hand closed over the air where it had just been.
‘It all happened so fast,’ he said. ‘How can you tell?’ Because I knew. Iknew!
I just stood there, shaking my head. ‘You’re right. I think weshouldcall the wedding off.’
That got his attention. He sat up in bed and studied me, waiting to see what I was going to say or do next. After moment or so, he got out of bed and walked towards me. He tried to pull me into his arms, but I stepped back. I couldn’t bear the thought of him touching me at that moment.
‘Angel … Come on. Do you really think I’d do something like that on purpose?’
‘But you did!’
‘No, my darling. You know how unreliable your memory can be … How you space out and do strange things, think strange things. I was just making a point. Of course, I wouldn’t destroy your violin. What kind of monster do you take me for?’
‘I … I …’
He tilted his head, and his expression softened. All at once, all the love, the adoration was back in his eyes. ‘I’m so sorry such an awful accident happened,’ he said, his voice low and lulling. ‘I know how devastated you must be.’
I blinked, trying to get my eyes to focus right. Had I …? Was he …? I felt like I had whiplash from sliding violently out of one reality and crashing into another. Oh, I was so confused. Of course, the Justin that I knew and loved wouldn’t do something like that. He was passionate and temperamental, but he was never cruel. But the man who’d dropped my violin off the balcony hadn’t seemed like Justin at all.
‘Do you think it can be fixed?’ he asked, stepping closer. ‘If not, we can get you a new one, a better one …’
I wanted to say I didn’t want a new violin. I wanted Octavia, not how she was now, broken and smashed, but how she’d been half an hour ago. However, I couldn’t get the words to come out.
Had I been wrong about what happened on the balcony? Had I imagined what I’d seen? I got so much wrong these days, and Justin was right: my memory had been terrible in the last few months. I had the number of a psychiatrist he’d given me, but I’d been too scared to book an appointment.
Justin took advantage of my paralysis and scooped me gently into his arms,pulling me against him with just enough pressure to make me feel warm and secure, but also lightly enough that I could push away if I wanted to. He nuzzled into my neck then peppered my hair with soft, reverent kisses.
‘I love you more than anything in this world,’ he whispered. ‘You know that’s why I sometimes behave the way I do. And you do have to admit, you did push me tonight. You knew I was going to be upset, and yet you still goaded me. But I forgive you, my angel. We can make this right. I know we can.’
He began to kiss me again, but this time it wasn’t the butterfly kisses he’d pressed into my hair; they were more urgent, needy. His hand slid up my hip and under my pyjama top. ‘Let me show you how much I love you. Let me leave you in no doubt.’
