He grimaced. ‘Occasionally. I think she can only see me as the annoying big brother who likes to boss her around. It threatened to cause a real rift between us, but she cleaned up her act recently, and I hope to God it’s going to stick … She’s pregnant, you see. She just told me this last weekend.’ His expression grew even more hollow. ‘I might not even be back in the country when she has the baby, but I’m going to see what I can work out. She needs me, even if she can’t see that at the moment.’
I rubbed his arm and laid my head against his shoulder, and for a few seconds, we just stayed like that. I sensed it was time to talk about something else. ‘Okay … so we’ve got eleven hours before you need to be going through security at Heathrow. What do you want to do today?’
‘I really don’t care,’ he said, turning to kiss me softly, ‘as long as I can spend it with you.’
I rode the Tube with Ben all the way to the airport when the time came. I couldn’t bear to say goodbye to him until the absolute very last second.
We’d watched the sun rise over the Thames, eaten bacon rolls with huge polystyrene cups of tea from a kiosk in Borough Market, then visited a café full of arcade games, which we’d played for nearly an hour.I was a pinball wizard, apparently. Who knew? After that, I’d persuaded him to go to Nunhead Cemetery with me – not as famous as Highgate, but just as striking – and then we’d headed back into the centre of town, browsed a few markets, including one tucked into a courtyard outside a church along Piccadilly.
But eventually, we’d ended up at Terminal Three, dragging those last few minutes together out as much as possible. ‘When will I see you again?’ I asked him.
He held on to me tightly, pressed an emphatic kiss into the top of my head. ‘I don’t know … I won’t be back in Europe for at least six months, and even then, not the UK, but I’m supposed to be in Bulgaria in February. I know … Come to Sofia and meet me!’
I stared back at him. If he’d asked me that question even twelve hours ago, I’d have jumped at the chance, but early this morning, while we’d been studying the elaborate headstones at Nunhead Cemetery, I’d come to a realisation. Life was too short, wasn’t it? I couldn’t give up on my dreams. I had to be brave and adventurous, like Ben was. ‘I can’t …’ I replied mournfully. ‘I have music school. It’s not the sort of place where you can just take a few days off and disappear.’
He thought for a moment. ‘Then I’ll cancel Bulgaria and Croatia and come back to the UK early.’
‘No! You’ve been planning this trip for years!’
He gave me a look that made my insides melt into a gooey puddle. ‘If there’s anyone who makes me want to stay in one place, it’s you.’
I shook my head. ‘You can’t abandon your dreams for me, Ben, just like I shouldn’t let my go of mine because of you.We’d always regret it later.’ I sighed, searching the hard angles and painted steel of the airport terminal for an answer, but I came up empty. ‘We’ll just have to be patient. When can you get backwithoutcompromising your plans?’
He was quiet for a few moments, and I could tell he was flicking through calendars and travel schedules in his head. ‘June. Maybe … Part of my plan was to do extra work in certain places to fund the next leg, and it really depends on how quickly I find jobs and how much they pay.’
‘A year, then?’
‘Realistically. I couldn’t promise any earlier for certain.’ He turned away momentarily, obviously frustrated. ‘But I don’t like leaving things so open-ended. It’s not fair to you … And I don’t much like the idea, either.’
‘Then let’s make it a specific day. What date was it yesterday?’
‘The twelfth of July,’ he replied, his eyes full of curiosity.
‘Then we’ll meet one year from the day we met. Here …’
‘In Heathrow Airport? That’s hardly very romantic!’
I punched him lightly on the arm. ‘No, you melon. In London … I know! In the garden at the church … at St Dunstan-in-the-East.’
He smiled at me. ‘It’s perfect. And it’s a date. Nothing will stop me being there.’ He sounded so serious I almost laughed, a nervous reflex, maybe, because I didn’t want to cry instead. He must have seen my lips twitch because he said, ‘I mean it. Don’t you believe me?’
‘Of course I do. If I know anything about you by now, it’s that you don’t dive into something unless you’re fully committed. That’s just who you are.’ And it was why I suspected I could easily fall for him,even after a day and a half, even though it made no sense at all, and I didn’t believe in things like fate or love at first sight.
‘You’ll be there? You won’t forget?’
He looked so uncharacteristically vulnerable that I couldn’t resist pulling his face towards mine and kissing him. ‘I won’t forget,’ I whispered as we rested our foreheads against each other. ‘Besides, I’m getting your number … We’ll be in contact the whole time, even if we can’t see each other in person. There’s no way we’re just disappearing from each other’s lives for twelve months and then turning up at St Dunstan’s hoping for the best. That would be daft.’
I pulled my phone from my bag. It seemed weird we hadn’t exchanged numbers before now, but since we’d been right next to each other for the last day and a half, it hadn’t really been necessary. ‘Oh, crap,’ I said as I tried to wake it up. ‘It’s completely dead.’ I’d had about fifty per cent battery when I’d left the house the day before. At the time, I’d thought it would be plenty.
‘It’s okay,’ Ben said. ‘I’m really low, but I’ve got enough juice to put your number in my phone, then when I get to Schiphol I’ll charge it and send you a message so you’ve got mine.’ He handed me his phone, and I tapped my number in and gave it back to him.
‘I’ll be waiting,’ I said, already knowing that even though it would only be a few hours, it would feel like a lifetime.
Ben glanced at the departures board and frowned. ‘I’ve waited far too long. I’d better get a move on, but before I go …’ He pulled a small paper bag from his pocket and handed it to me.
I unfolded the top and peered inside. ‘Oh, Ben … You didn’t have to buy me anything!’ I knew he didn’t have the money. Inside was a fine silver chain with a tiny silver bee pendant. I made a hiccupping sound that I wasn’t sure signalled laughter or tears. It was possibly both.
He gave me a wonky, slightly self-conscious smile. ‘I tried to find a wasp, but no one does wasps, apparently, so it was this or nothing.’
