Alice had been about to get into the passenger seat of the car, but she paused to watch as Ben knelt so Willow could put his hat on for him and rose again with it almost covering one eye. He gave Alice a lopsided smile over the roof of the car as he adjusted it.
A thin pair of arms then came around Alice’s middle and squeezed her hard. She looked down to find Willow looking up at her. A lump rose in her throat.
‘Bye, Alice,’ Willow said, holding onto her even more tightly. ‘Will you come and visit us again, you know, when you’ve got your proper name back? And what if itisMoana? That would be really funny!’
‘It would,’ Alice agreed, ‘and I’d like to come back to Invergarrig one day.’
Norina peeled Willow from around Alice’s waist. ‘Come on, wee miss. They’ve got to get going.’ And she leaned in and gave Alice a one-armed hug,then picked Willow up to sit on her hip, giving the little girl a kiss on the head as she did so.
Alice’s heart contracted, and her eyes began to sting. ‘Thank you so much,’ she said. ‘I’ll miss you both.’ It seemed a strange thing to say, seeing as she’d only known them for a few days, but it was true. And then it was time to get in the car, strap herself in, and wave goodbye.
Driving over the humpbacked bridge that led out of Invergarrig opened up a whole new world to Alice, full of new sights and experiences. There were high mountain passes, snow-capped peaks, even a stag watching from an overlooking rock as they drove on the road below, but soon enough, they entered the urban sprawl of outer Glasgow. By the time they reached the station, she was exhausted. Every sound, shape, colour and smell was something new for her freshly scrubbed brain to process.
They stopped a short distance from the wide bank of digital departures boards. She pulled her phone from her bag and snapped a photo of the board that said ‘London Euston 18:40’ then tucked it into the back pocket of her jeans, noticing that the digital clock said it was five fifty-five. In just over half an hour, she’d have to say goodbye to Ben too, something that made her feel more and more nervous the longer she thought about it. What if he was right after all? What if she should stay in Invergarrig and wait for other people to sort her life out for her, find out who she was?
They wandered around the station for a bit, killing time exploring the shops, but ended up back in front of the departures board. Her attention was snagged by the giant digital display hanging next to it. An ad for Glasgow Botanic Gardens ended,and one for an upmarket hotel began to play. There were shots of a grand facade and luxurious rooms in the slideshow, followed by a shot of a bride and groom embracing each other in the formal gardens. As she watched, it felt like all the blood drained from her body and then –boom!– an image appeared in her mind, so clear and fresh it was as if someone had hooked her brain up to an HD video feed.
‘Are you okay? You’ve gone as white as a sheet.’ Ben’s hands hovered near her, as if he thought he might need to catch her falling body at any second. To be honest, his assessment wasn’t far off.
She grabbed onto his arm, shaking her head, and he steered her to one of the solid banks of metal chairs and helped her sit down. ‘What’s going on?’ he asked softly as he crouched down in front of her.
Alice looked back at him. Her mouth moved a couple of times before she managed to form words. ‘I think … I think I just remembered something.’
‘About here? This station?’
‘I don’t think so … I was in a … in a …’ The image was fluttering around in her head like an elusive butterfly. She screwed up her face in an effort to pin it down and turn it into words. ‘I saw a wedding shop … a boutique. There were all these dresses hanging up, and there was a mirror … I was standing on the sidelines while a bride tried on her dress, but when I tried to focus on her face, it all just kind of …’ She wiggled her fingers, mimicking the way the final part of whatever she’d seen had disintegrated and shimmered away. ‘Oh, god … I think I’m going to be sick.’ She leaned forward a little and concentrated on taking in slow, deep breaths,which was no mean feat, given that her heart was racing at three hundred miles an hour.
‘I’ll see if I can find something to—’ Ben frantically looked around. ‘Where’s a rubbish bin or a plastic bag when you need one?’ Failing to spot either, he pulled his grey beanie from his head and held it out, open and upside-down, which made her want to cry, and that wouldn’t help at all. She sucked in a little more of the stale station air, then said shakily, ‘I think it’s passing … Thank you.’
‘Hold onto this, just in case.’ He pressed the hat into her hands.
She nodded reluctantly but clutched onto it, the wool soft against her fingers. ‘A bridal shop … Thathasto confirm I’m on the right track.’ She paused to pat her bag, where the wedding invitation was safely stowed. ‘If I was there for a dress fitting, I must know the bride well. I might even be a bridesmaid. This is a good sign, isn’t it? It shows my memory might be starting to come back.’
Ben did not look the least bit convinced. ‘Yes, it could be a memory. But you can’t be sure about that yet. It might be better to wait and see if it happens again, if you get something more concrete before—’
Just at that moment, the Tannoy above their heads sprang into life. Alice didn’t really pay attention until the word ‘London’ drifted past her ears. She quickly glanced at the departures board, willing her eyes to focus properly, and there it was – the 18:40 – now boarding on platform five.
‘Time to go,’ he said. ‘That’s your train.’
She pushed herself to stand but reached out for the solid metal arm as she did so, clamping her lips together. For a moment,she really thought she might need to make use of his hat, but then the rolling sensation passed, and she smiled weakly at him. ‘It’s okay. I’m good …’
Ben stared back at her, looking most perturbed. ‘No. You arenotgood.’ But his tone wasn’t hard and frustrated as it had been in Norina’s garden; it was warm, concerned.
She reached for her little bee pendant, felt the curve of the wings for comfort, and saw his expression change from worried to … she wasn’t sure what. It just looked as if he’d made a decision about something.
‘I can’t let you get on that train on your own,’ he said. ‘I can’t just walk away. Not again …’
Not again?But she didn’t have time to ask him what he meant. ‘Ben, I know you’re right, but … Ineedto go. I need to find out who I—’
‘I know,’ he said, glancing around the station, then pulled his wallet from his pocket. ‘Which is why I’m coming with you. Stay here …’ And then he started jogging in the direction of a bank of self-serve ticket machines.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Seven months before the wedding.
JUSTIN AND I never really did talk about what happened at the preview of his new show. I prepared myself for a big heart-to-heart, tearful apologies, great make-up sex … But none of it came about. If I tried to raise the subject, he’d merely kiss me on top of my head and say I should just forget it.
However, my ‘mistake’ had caused problems that rippled out from that night and affected everything. We’d both agreed I shouldn’t try to play live when the programme ran at Sadler’s Wells, but if they played the track I’d recorded before the preview, people would hear the difference. If anyone guessed it had all been a giant cock-up, Justin’s glowing early reviews about his innovative use of sound would seem hollow. The only solution was to get a new version of the track edited so it mimicked what had happened that night.
