It was a bee. A tiny silver bee. He would have recognised it anywhere.
His heart had stuttered, leaving him speechless as she’d stalked away.
Itwasher.
Lili.
For some reason, he couldn’t get his head around that. Which was totally ridiculous, seeing as he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about it ever since he’d run into her outside the café. In his gut, he’d known it was her, but the reasonable part of his brain – the part that knew this was too much of a one-in-a-million coincidence to be true – had told him to shelve that idea, let the police and doctors solve the riddle. Maybe he’dwantedto leave the question of her identity unanswered and get on with the practical problem of helping her get home, because maybe it would have been easier all around if it wasn’t Lili after all.
But now he had solid proof.
He swore under his breath and paced around the tiny kitchen. What was he going to do? About her … about everything?
He’d got no further to working that out when there was a knock at the door. When he answered it, he found Alice … Lili … standing there with a takeaway cup from The Thistle Café. She held it out to him. ‘Peace offering. Black Americano. Norina said it was your favourite.’
He accepted it from her without a word, unable to take his eyes off her.
Even though he’d spent a lot of the last couple of days in her company, it was like seeing her for the first time again. It took him right back to that moment when he’d been leaning over his camera in the garden of St Dunstan-in-the-East, how she’d completely taken his breath away, even when she’d been stung by that wasp, and he’d leapt into action, grasping at any excuse to talk to her.
She looked at the floor. ‘I shouldn’t have shouted at you like that. Not after all you and your family have done for me. All I could think about is finding out who I am. I’m just so desperate to find some answers.’
He nodded. So was he. Even though she was standing in front of him, it made no sense.
He’d been there on the twelfth of July, just as they’d promised they would be. He’d waited the whole stupid day in that garden, right until the church bells had struck midnight, and then he’d sloped off back to his hotel, alone.
But he’d never blamed her for not showing. If there was anyone to point the finger at for messing up what they might have had, it was him. It was all on him. So it made even less sense she was now here in Invergarrig. On some subconscious level, had she come searching for him? And if she had, what did that mean?
‘I do understand. A little …’ He’d been grumpy and low for ages when he’d come back to Invergarrig. Partly the trauma of losing his sister – although, if he was honest, he’d known how that story was going to end for years; he just hadn’t been able to admit it to himself – and partly the sense that his whole life had changed,which meant he’d had to change along with it. For months he’d been unsure of who he was and what his purpose was. How much harder must it be for her, with nothing solid to anchor herself to the life she’d left behind? ‘I’m sorry too. I shouldn’t have used the word “stupid”.’
‘Thank you,’ she said softly, giving him the merest hint of a smile. ‘And you made some really good points. I’ve spent the last hour or so thinking about it, talking it over with Norina.’
Ben’s heart lifted at the thought she might have listened.
‘But …’
Uh-oh. There was a word he didn’t want to hear. ‘But …?’
She looked at him bleakly. ‘I can’t stay here mooching off you and your family. I have to find my way back to my own life.’
He knew she was right. He couldn’t keep her here with him indefinitely, even though he now realised that wasexactlywhat he’d been hoping for.
‘So I’m going to London, and from there on to the wedding venue.’ She paused a moment before carrying on. ‘Norina and I thought it might be better to aim for the rehearsal on Thursday evening – fewer people and no risk of spoiling the big day.Someonethere should know who I am. Either the bride or the groom must have added me to the guest list.’
‘But what if you’re just a plus one? Someone’s girlfriend or partner they’ve never met before?’
She shrugged helplessly. ‘You could be right. But then why would I have a note about the wedding rehearsal? I know it’s a risk, but I need to do this.’
But I don’t want you to go.
He’d only just found her again after more than five years of hoping and searching. Trying to find someone called ‘Lili’ in a city of nine million people had been impossible, not when all you had to go on was a first name, and even that was possibly a shortening of her name. Hadn’t she tried to tell him something along those lines as he’d run away from her at the airport? He’d tried every permutation he could think of: Lillian, Lilias, Emily, even Delilah … and nothing. How could he let her leave when evenshecouldn’t give him more than he already knew? He couldn’t let her disappear a second time.
But he didn’t ask her not to go. Partly because of what the doctor had said, but partly because of what had occurred to him earlier: if shewasa plus one at the wedding, it meant she was probably somebody’s girlfriend. Possibly even their wife.
He had no idea where life had taken her in the last five years, did he? He’d travelled all over, and of course he’d met other people after he’d finally given up looking for her. It was logical she might have done the same.
And while she was in a vulnerable state, unable to confirm or deny if there was someone else in her life, it would be totally out of order to make any kind of move on her, to reveal his feelings in any way. He already sensed she felt attached to him. It would be easy to exploit that. But no way was he going to be that guy.
‘I’m going to get the bus to Glasgow,’ she said, and his stomach hollowed. ‘From there, I’ll get the train. Norina has given me some wages for the last couple of days, and she bought an advance ticket for me. I’ll pay her back when I get back home … wherever that is. Please believe that.’
