‘It’s the only way. There’s no data protection law that will stop me turning up in person. Somebody there must recognise me. I wouldn’t have the invite otherwise!’
‘It’s too much of a risk! You could be heading off on a wild goose chase, no closer to home than you are at the moment, and what if you get confused again, lose your way … At least here you’re safe.’
She dipped her head, aware he might be right. But still … She couldn’t let this idea go. ‘PC Wilson said she thought I was from London. The wedding’s in Kent. That’s right next door!’
A strange expression crossed his features, and he looked away. ‘What about the memory clinic in Glasgow … The appointment letter might arrive any day now. Wouldn’t it be better to wait and get an all-clear from the doctor before you go anywhere?’
Why was he arguing with her? Up until now, he’d been nothing but helpful. She didn’t get it. ‘But if I find my family, I can go to a hospital near them. There must be other units like that in the country, other doctors who can help with this. I have to try, Ben. It’s my only hope. I have to find the bus times, see if I can get a train from Glasgow—’
‘No.’
Alice stopped speaking. The word had come out of him hard and fast, a knee-jerk reaction. He seemed surprised at the force of his own conviction. ‘No?’ she echoed.
‘I mean, I don’t think you should. Let’s get a hold of PC Wilson, tell her what we know and let her look into it. The wedding venue will give her information they won’t reveal to us.And the London police might come up with a missing persons report, and then none of this will be necessary.’
‘But what if shecan’tfind anything in the next few days? What if there is no report? I’ll have lost my chance.’
‘Alice … Don’t be stupid … Don’t—’
She dropped her hands and glared at him. The expression on Ben’s face changed, as if something she’d said or done had completely floored him, but her anger had gained momentum by that point, and not much was going to stop it.
‘Don’t youdaretell me that I’m being stupid! You have no idea what it’s like to be in this situation. None! And don’t you dare tell me what I can or can’t do! It’s none of your business.’ She turned and strode in the direction of the house. ‘And don’t call me “Alice”!’ she yelled over her shoulder. ‘It’s not my name.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
Eight months before the wedding.
WHEN I RECORDED Felix’s sublime modern violin piece, he ushered me into a little booth and went to listen somewhere I couldn’t see him, which helped. There was an engineer behind a big glass screen, but he was much more interested in the knobs and sliders on his sound desk than he was me. It took me a while to warm up and play properly, but we eventually laid the track down, and I was actually very proud of the piece we created together.
The plan for me to stand on stage while the track played remained, and I’d been practising playing along with it. I’d become much more confident performing in front of Haru and even Felix, but I knew it was a big jump to face an audience again. However, maybe Justin was right – I needed to believe him without question, he said, not sabotage myself with my own wayward thoughts.
On the night of the preview, I tucked my nerves aside, knowing that Justin must be feeling a hundred times more anxious than I was. He’d been quiet all day. Reviews of his previous show had been mixed, and I knew he was hoping this performance would silence the naysayers for good.
I emerged from the dressing room adjacent to our bedroom, putting on a pair of earrings whilst searching for my bag. He was standing by the window, hands in his suit pockets, looking blankly out across the road. He turned when he heard me come in. ‘Hmm …’ His brows drew even more tightly together as he looked at my cocktail dress. ‘I’m not sure about that one. How about the long one we got you the other week?’
I paused. ‘Are you sure it won’t be too formal?’
Justin shook his head, so a few minutes later, I emerged from the dressing room again.
‘Much better,’ he said, smiling. ‘Now, what are we going to do about that hair?’
I reached up to touch the blunt ends. He’d suggested getting it cut about a fortnight earlier. My stomach had sunk at the time, but I’d known he’d been right. It was time I went for something more sophisticated. Even though I’d lost about fifteen centimetres, it was still hanging just below my shoulders, and I’d begun to straighten it religiously.
‘Up would be better, don’t you think?’ Justin said, tipping his head to one side.
To be honest, I didn’t really mind which way I wore my hair, but I could see his point. With the long dress, maybe something more formal would be appropriate. I headed over to the dressing table and began pulling my hair into a low twist. When I’d finished, Justin came to stand behind me, and he placed his hands on my shoulders, and we both looked at each other in the mirror. ‘There. Perfect. You look wonderful.’ He placed a soft kiss on my temple and then went off to find his cufflinks.
‘Ready?’ Justin said as we stepped from the car he’d ordered to take us to The Fire Station.
I nodded, clutching Octavia to me. ‘I’m feeling good,’ I said. ‘Confident.’ At least, that was what I was telling myself. Fake it ’til you make it, right?
‘Enough to give it a go without the track?’ he asked, smiling hopefully at me.
I considered his words carefully before I answered. ‘I want to be. For you, I really do, but …’
‘But?’
I shook my head and squeezed the violin case tighter. ‘Sorry.’
