I felt a sudden flush of hatred for this anonymous woman, for how she’d hurt him, because it was clear the wound went deep, even now. Yet, I marvelled at how together he appeared, how confident. It gave me hope that one day I might bounce back too, that maybe I wasn’t a lost cause after all.
We’d reached the outside of the station, and he stopped and turned to me. ‘This is what I’m saying … You have to take what happened to you and let it make you stronger. It’s the only way.’
I nodded mutely. I knew he was telling the truth; I just didn’t know how to do that.
As if he was reading my mind, he said, ‘And this job is your first step.’
‘What if I can’t do it? What if I freeze and can’t play?’
‘Didn’t you say that it’s when you play live you have an issue?’
‘Yes.’
‘I think you can do it – you’ve been busking in front of people for weeks.’
I wished I had his certainty. ‘Thank you,’ I said, ‘for everything you’ve done.’
He stared back into my eyes. As the seconds ticked past, I began to flush, and just as I thought he was going to dip his head, that he was actually going to kiss me, he exhaled loudly and turned away.He waved his arm to attract one of the black cabs parked under the nearby bridge, then took my hand and led me towards one with its orange ‘For Hire’ sign lit up.
‘What are you doing? I can’t—’
‘I don’t like the thought of you travelling home alone on the Underground, and then the train,’ he said. ‘It’s late, and you’re a beautiful young woman …’
I forgot to argue with him because there was only one thought circuiting my head:He called me beautiful.
He opened the rear door and ushered me inside, and prepared to talk through the rolled-down passenger window to the driver. ‘Where do you live?’
‘Penge. But that’s more than ten miles away.’ I glanced at the driver and lowered my voice. ‘It’ll cost a fortune!’
He shrugged. ‘I won’t be happy unless you let me take care of you this way.’
I was tempted to argue. Not because I didn’t want to take a cab – I really didn’t like travelling on my own at night; sometimes there were some real weirdos on the stopping train to Orpington – but because it felt like too much.
Yet again, he read my mind. He looked at me seriously, but there was a playfulness behind his eyes. ‘Let me do this for you.’
I stared back at him as he rested his hand on the roof of the cab, his face above mine and oh so close. I wished he would close the distance, but he’d given no indication that he saw me as anything but a talented youngster to help along the way. And that would have to be enough. Itwasenough. After our dinner tonight, and our talk as we’d walked back to the station, I no longer felt as if the world was ending.He had a way of building me up so I could almost believe in myself again.
‘Good night.’ He closed the door and rapped a couple of times on the roof to signal the driver, but before it could pull away, he opened the door, jumped inside and grabbed my hand. ‘I can’t bear to say goodbye,’ he said, looking deep into my eyes. ‘You’re the most astonishing creature I’ve ever met – an angel – and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for weeks! I’m sorry, but I just have to do this …’
And he leaned in and kissed me the way I’d wanted him to all evening.
Chapter Fifteen
Now.
THE WINDING DRIVE that led to Invergarrig Castle was long, lined with grassy banks. There was a field on one side, a lichen-covered woodland on the other, shielding it from the main road that led out of town. Alice walked beside Ben in comfortable silence as Willow ran ahead, now and then scampering back to them with a guess at where the elusive fairies might be found.
It had been a long day. She’d been up since four, unable to sleep properly and knocking on the door of the B&B at six on the dot. However, she’d rather be on this ‘fairy walk’ with Ben and Willow, rather than sitting in that little cottage, only her thoughts for company.
Work at the B&B had been satisfying. Norina had put her in charge of bacon, mushrooms and toast. It had felt completely natural to stand at the large six-ring hob, pushing rashers around the pan, as if it was something she’d done a thousand times before. It had made her happy to think that something from her missing life had stuck, that she had at least one piece of information about herself – she could cook.However, whether she could do anything more complicated than breakfast was still to be seen.
She glanced across at Ben, who had his hands in his pockets, his gaze far away. She’d been aware of him the very second he’d stepped into the kitchen that morning, even though she hadn’t turned to look at him. She might have been imagining it, but she’d sensed him studying her. Not in a scrutinising way, but in a way that had made it hard to concentrate. One or two bits of bacon might’ve ended up a little darker than they should have been. She’d flipped them onto the other side and hoped Norina wouldn’t notice.
They walked in silence for a while, watching Willow skipping ahead, listening to her singing just for the joy of it. ‘Can I ask you about something the doctor said the other day?’ Alice said.
‘Of course.’
‘I don’t think I really took it in at first, but am I right in thinking he said that if my memories come back in a rush that I’ll forget what happened while … Well, while I’m in this fugue state, or whatever it’s called.’
