Anna wanted to disagree, but the events of the previous night loomed between them as evidence. ‘I don’t know what came over me.’
Gabi sighed again, and it struck Anna that Gabi did that a lot when she talked to her these days. She hadn’t realized she’d become the sort of friend who was hard work, but she obviously had. Maybe she hadn’t realized that because, as Gabi had so eloquently put it, she was a zombie.
And that was exactly what it felt like: as if a piece of her had died with Spencer and she’d been shuffling through life – sleepwalking – ever since.
‘I understand that some days are good, and some days are bad,’ Gabi said gently. ‘And that Christmas and New Year are hard for you, but…’
‘I know,’ Anna said again. It was all she could say. Last night was a mirror held up in front of her, one she couldn’t look away from, and she didn’t much like what she saw.
Gabi shifted, sat up a little straighter. ‘So… What are you going to do?’
‘I don’t know,’ Anna replied slowly, and she really didn’t. She’d done it all. Grief counselling? Tick. Self-help books and support groups? Tick. Nothing seemed to work. ‘I wish I did.’
Gabi didn’t say anything; she just smiled.
‘What?’ Anna said, slightly scared of the answer to her question.
‘How about salsa?’
‘Really?’ she replied, hoping that Gabi was just pulling her leg. The determined pair of eyes that sat above the troublesome smirk said otherwise.
‘Really. If you go to salsa, we won’t talk about New Year’s Eve again.’
Anna hesitated. Gabi was still sitting with her arms folded, watching her. Waiting. Anna swallowed.
‘It will be fun,’ Gabi added, without smiling this time.
‘You really think I need to—’
‘Yes. I do.’ Gabi’s answer was hard, but her eyes gave her away. Behind the determined stare, Anna could detect quiet pleading. Gabi was worried about her. Really worried. That was why she was clinging on to this idea as if it was a lifeline. It wasn’t about the dancing or the classes. Her friend was just desperate to know there was hope, that Anna could find some way to be happy again.
She nodded. ‘Okay.’ She’d do just about anything for Gabi. Even salsa.
Gabi jumped off the armchair, squealing, and ran across and dived on Anna, wrapping her in a hug. ‘I will ask Jeremy about—’
Anna pushed Gabi back enough to look her in the face without going cross-eyed.‘Hold on! No one said anything about Jeremy!’
Gabi tipped her head to one side and gave Anna an exasperated look. ‘But Jeremy is very nice – and very hot!’
‘You go salsa dancing with him then!’
‘No one is asking you to marry him. It’s just dancing. Think of him as… What is the word? Training wheels! You can take them off when you are ready for more.’
Anna folded her arms. ‘I said yes to salsa, not to Jeremy. And if you’re going to make me salsa at all, thenyouare going to be my partner.’
‘Oh, yes?’ Gabi held out her hands and beckoned to Anna with her fingertips. ‘Show me!’
Reluctantly, Anna got off the sofa and joined her friend. Gabi wouldn’t let her sit back down until they’d tried a few steps of whatseemedlike salsa, but it all got out of hand when Gabi tried to dip Anna and lost her balance. They ended up on the floor in a heap, giggling.
‘It’s good to hear you laugh,’ Gabi said.
Anna sighed. ‘I know.’
They pushed themselves onto all fours and then crawled back onto the sofa. ‘I’m going to get glasses,’ Gabi said, nodding at the wine. ‘Do you want to sleep here tonight?’
Anna crawled over to Gabi’s end of the sofa and gave her a big, fat, squishy kiss on the cheek. ‘I love you, you know that?’
Gabi gave her a squeeze back, then shoved her off so she could stand up. ‘I know. It’s hard not to.’
