Brody turned and began to run, even though it was a foolish thing to do in his tiny cluttered cottage. He knocked over a lamp in his rush to get to the back door, and it crashed to the floor behind him. He wrenched the door open and ran out into the yard, the frost suspended and waiting in the night air, chilling his face and hands.
‘Brody…?’ The voice was muffled from where he held the phone against his chest.
He tried to talk, he really did, but no sound would come out. Hardly surprising, since it felt as if someone had launched a wrecking ball into his chest. He dropped the phone and staggered away from it, heaving in rasping breaths that made his entire body shudder. And then he fell to his knees, buried his face in his hands, and began to sob.
Chapter Forty-Eight
‘THANKS FOR COMING over to help,’ Anna said to Gabi as they walked across the landing and into her bedroom. ‘I couldn’t face doing this on my own.’
Gabi sat down on the edge of the bed. ‘No problem. I have nothing better to do…’
‘Thanks!’
Gabi rolled her eyes. ‘You know what I mean.’
Anna did know. She remembered feeling the way Gabi did not so long ago. The heaviness. The feeling that everything was too much effort, and there was no point to anything. She was worried about her. It was six weeks since Gabi and Lee had split up and she still wasn’t quite her old self. Normal Gabi was bright and bubbly and full of bounce. This Gabi reminded Anna of a half-deflated beachball. They could both do with the distraction from their thoughts that this chore would bring.
It had been eight days since her last conversation with Brody. Eight days and not a word. Oh, Anna had tried calling. She tried calling a lot. But Brody wasn’t picking up. It made her feel sick every time she thought about it.
She walked over to Spencer’s wardrobe and opened the doors. Her eyes, as always, were drawn to the neat row of shirts on their hangers.Somehow, they held more meaning for her than any of the other items in the wardrobe. She wasn’t exactly sure why, only that when she’d pressed her face against his shoulder and held him tight, his shirts had always smelled so wonderful, of clean, fresh cotton and safety.
Anna still had her hands on the open wardrobe doors. She didn’t move. ‘I’ve got to do this,’ she said, fixing her gaze on the shirts. ‘He doesn’t need them anymore.’
‘That is true.’ Gabi got up from the edge of the bed, walked towards her, and put an arm around her shoulder. ‘But you don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.’
Anna nodded. ‘I know. But I’ve been putting this off for too long. It’s time, Gabs. It’s just…’
‘Difficult,’ Gabi finished for her.
‘Yes,’ Anna replied solemnly. She exhaled. ‘But I’ve realized I have to make room in my life for new things, both emotionally and physically. Even if I’m not ready for a new man on my horizon today, I think I want to signal up that I’m open to the possibility of him someday – whatever that ends up meaning.’
Gabi sighed. ‘I am sad it didn’t work out between you and Jeremy.’
Anna nodded. ‘I’m sad about that too, but it wasn’t fair to keep stringing him along.’
Gabi looked sheepish. ‘I was wrong to push you into seeing him. I know that now.’
Anna felt a rush of warmth for her friend. She hugged Gabi tightly and kissed her noisily on the cheek. ‘Not wrong. Maybe just a bit premature.’ Gabi smiled back at her and then they both turned to consider the open wardrobe. ‘I don’t even know where to start… We need a plan.’
Gabi put her hands on her hips. ‘I have a plan, I think… We start with one thing – suits or shoes or jackets or shirts…’ Anna must have been pulling a face at that word, because Gabi trailed off, swallowed, then carried on. ‘We start with the group that’s easy. We take out all those things, put them on the bed, and sort them one by one. You must concentrate, Anna. You need to be “present”, because otherwise you may feel too sad when it is all gone. You have to make a decision about each thing.’
Anna scrunched up her forehead and looked at Gabi. ‘Where did you get all of that stuff?’
‘Binge-watchingHoarderswhen I can’t sleep,’ she said with a little bit of the old Gabi twinkle in her eye.
Anna laughed and turned back to the wardrobe, scanning the contents. ‘Let’s start with shoes.’
And so that is what they did. They pulled out all of Spencer’s shoes and boots and trainers and went through them, pair by pair. Some they saved for the charity shop, and some they put into a black bin bag to go out to the dustbin. When both piles were full and there was no more footwear left in the wardrobe, Anna breathed out shakily.
There. She’d done it. And it hadn’t been terrible. In fact, there was a sense of peace, of release.
Next, they worked through the trousers, none of which Anna kept, but when it came to tops and jumpers, she saved a few of her favourites: a charcoal cable-knit fisherman’s sweater that was way too big for her and a couple of soft hoodies. These were things she’d liked to steal from Spencer when he’d been alive. They made her smile when she picked them up, even if tears welled in her lashes. That was a good sign,wasn’t it? If it wasn’t exactly a happy feeling, it wasn’t all sad, either.
As she tied the knot on a full bag, tears began to splash onto her hands. Gabi came over, made her let go, and hugged her.
‘Sorry,’ Anna croaked when she was able.
‘It’s nothing,minha querida,’ Gabi replied, and Anna could hear the emotion in her voice. She rubbed Anna’s back. ‘We don’t have to put these bags into your car today. We can put them back in the wardrobe… Maybe you give yourself time? Get used to it all packed up before you get rid of them?’
