‘Why?’
Anna stared up at the twinkling stars. ‘Because I know you.’ He went quiet again, but this time it was one of those full silences. She could tell he was thinking carefully about what she’d suggested. And the more she thought about it, even though her suggestion had been a bit out-of-the-blue and random, it seemed like the perfect plan. It would save both of them from being miserable and lonely, and give them something to look forward to over Christmas, which was never easy after you’d lost someone special.
‘So, what do you think? Shall we do it?’
He cleared his throat. ‘Why on earth would you want to spend New Year’s Eve with me?’
She wasn’t sure if she should be insulted that he hadn’t jumped at the idea, or sad that he didn’t dare believe she meant it. ‘Because I would like to look you in the eyes and say thank you, for all you’ve done for me.’
He made a dismissive noise. ‘I haven’t done anything, really. It’s you… It’s all you.’
‘No, Brody. It’s you too. You listened when no one else would, when no one elsecould… Not in the way I needed them to. And you haven’t been afraid to tell me the truth when I needed to hear it.’ She looked helplessly up at the stars, as if maybe they could help her convince him. ‘I wouldn’t have made it through this year without you…’ She trailed off, suddenly wondering if she was reading more into this relationship than there was, but then she thought about how he’d said that he’d called just to hear her voice and it made her feel even more confused.
‘I would love to spend New Year’s Eve with you, Anna. I just… can’t.’
Anna waited, sensing there was more to come. An explanation of some sort, at the very least, but when the silence stretched on longer than she could bear, she said, ‘Brody…?’
She heard him exhale heavily.
‘Are you okay? Is everything all right?’
She could almost hear him wrestling inwardly with his answer.Tell me,she urged him silently.Tell me what it is. Trust me like I trust you.
She heard the kind of intake of breath that only occurs when someone is about to say something. Something big.
And then he let the air out again.
‘It’s nothing for you to worry about.’ There was a finality in his tone that told her it would do her no good broaching this topic again this evening. But she wanted to meet Brody. She wanted to see his smile, not just hear it. She wanted to give him a hug and thank him for his friendship.
It had saved her.
For too long she’d been the leach in their relationship, sucking the strength and wisdom out of him because she’d been desperate and grieving. Okay, she was still grieving. But she was no longer desperate, she realized. Somehow, her mourning had entered a new phase, and it was time to stop feeling that she and her pain were the centre of the universe and to start looking outwards again. She closed her eyes with shame at how utterly self-absorbed she’d been.
Was she doing it again now? Was she just thinking about what she wanted and not taking his feelings into account?
Maybe, she had to admit.
Perhaps she needed to back off the idea for now. But that didn’t mean she and Brody couldn’t find some other way to connect further, did it?
‘Okay,’ she said, her mouth forming the beginning of her sentence before her brain had fully formulated her thought. ‘Well, we’ve been virtually anonymous to each other for the five or six months we’ve been talking on a regular basis. I’m pretty sure you’re not an axe-wielding serial killer by now—’
He let out a huff of laughter, and it was as if, in the last few minutes, Anna had developed superhero-like sensitive hearing where he was concerned. She heard the mirth but, underneath it, she also heard what he was desperately trying to keep hidden – relief. He was glad she hadn’t kept pushing that they meet.
‘So, I’m going to tell you my last name,’ she finished. ‘And where I live.’
The silence at the other end of the line changed. As if he was no longer smiling to himself. As if he was frowning. Wary.
Why?
‘My name is Anna Barry and I live in south-east London. Bromley, to be exact. Well, not actually in Bromley town centre, more Sundridge Park…’ She was babbling now. ‘And I’m going to send you a picture…’
Was she? Where had that come from?
But the moment she’d said it, she knew it was the right decision. If Brody couldn’t – or wouldn’t – FaceTime, this was the next best thing. She wanted to have a mental image of him when she talked to him, not this fuzzy, shifting idea in her head made up entirely from her imagination, and she wanted him to be able to picture her too.She wanted him to know who she was on the outside the way he knew her on the inside.
She switched her phone to speaker and navigated to where her photos were stored so that she could choose one to text him. Was it weird that in all the time they’d been communicating, they hadn’t once sent a written message? It had always been talking. Voices.
‘Anna? You really don’t need to…’
