Anna didn’t reply straight away and, at first, he thought she was considering his advice, but when she spoke again, it was obvious her thoughts had led her down another path. ‘Are you married?’ she asked, her tone wary.
Brody knew what she was asking:Should they be talking like this?It was innocent, to be sure, but there was something about the easy intimacy they’d fallen into so quickly that would have rung alarm bells for him once upon a time.
‘No. I’m not married. Not anymore.’
‘Oh.’ She fell silent again. ‘I knew there was a reason you understood. You’ve lost someone too.’
The obvious answer was yes, he did. He had. But Brody didn’t want to give the obvious answer, so he stayed silent.
‘Was it a “her” or a “him” – the person you lost?’
He hadn’t planned on telling her anything, but then he heard himself say, ‘Her.’
There was a pause as she absorbed that fact. ‘How long ago?’
‘Nine years.’ His mouth just kept moving, despite himself. It was most strange. He put his glass down decisively. ‘Listen, Anna… I probably ought to go. Lewis is asking for a walk before we settle down for the night.’ He glanced down at Lewis, who was snoring gently at his feet and hadn’t even lifted an ear at the mention of his name. All the warmth that had gathered while he’d been talking about stupid things like sausage rolls and vol au vents drained away, leaving him more than a little disgusted with himself.
‘Oh, okay…’ Her tone was confused, and rightly so, but he wouldn’t let himself register the tinge of disappointment in it.
‘Goodb—’
‘Don’t say that word,’ she said quickly. ‘Remember?’
‘I do now,’ he said, but her answer gave him hope he hadn’t just ruined the chance of her calling back ever again. He had the feeling that the day she said it to him, he’d never hear from her again. He was glad that day wasn’t today.
‘Say something else,’ she added softly.
He thought for a moment. ‘Till next time.’
From the way she breathed, he could tell she was smiling.‘Till next time,’ she echoed, and then she was gone. The study didn’t seem as cosy after that.
He reached down and rubbed Lewis’s belly. The dog opened one eye and yawned. ‘Come on,’ he said. ‘Don’t make me a worse liar than I already am. It’s time for you to go down the garden.’
He followed his dog out into the yard and stared up at the night sky. Thanks to his remote location, he often was able to see more stars than he could count, yet tonight there was nothing but thick grey cloud. It seemed fitting. She was so honest, so open with him, and he was giving her the impression he was being the same with her, but he wasn’t. He really wasn’t.
Chapter Nineteen
GABI AND ANNA arrived at the Civic Centre just as their salsa class started. There were about a hundred people in the hall, most arranged into large circles with women on the outside, men on the inside, and a few stragglers, like the two of them, were shrugging off jackets or changing shoes. Gabi spotted Lee across the room and waved wildly, before blowing him a kiss.
She turned to Anna, who was changing her sneakers for shoes with a low heel. ‘Thank you for doing this – for swapping to the Wednesday night class. With Lee’s new shift change, we lost two more nights when we could see each other.’
Anna looked up at her as she fastened the buckle on one of her shoes. ‘You know I was happy to do it.’ She looked down again and tried to stifle a fluttering in her stomach. She’d told the truth – she was happy to do this for Gabi, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t a little nervous for herself.
Because Wednesday nights didn’t just mean Wednesday nights, did they? They meant Jeremy. A picture of him at the Valentine’s event popped into her head, and even though that had been months ago, her stomach did a little roll. It was most disconcerting.
Anna noticed their teacher scowling in their direction. ‘We’d better get a move on,’ she said and dragged Gabi into the Beginners’ circle alongside her.
To begin with, most of Anna’s attention was taken up with mastering a couple of new steps, but then she caught Jeremy’s eye across the room. He nodded and smiled. HerNot Spenceralarm remained silent, which was reassuring, so Anna nodded and smiled back.
But maybe she shouldn’t be scared if her little internal alarm did trip. Hadn’t she said to Brody that she didn’t want to be alone for the rest of her life? The journey had to start somewhere. There would be no possibility of that if she ran a mile in the other direction every time she clapped eyes on anyone remotely suitable.
She had to give herself permission, she realized, to beopento the possibility of a new relationship – even love – in the future, no matter if it seemed nonsensical in the present. Spencer wouldn’t have wanted her to wither and shrivel without him. Yet, all she’d done since his death was hibernate. Anna let that thought sit in the back of her mind while the class continued.
When nine o’clock rolled around, they thanked their teacher and Anna went to get her coat and shoes.
‘Lee and I are going to the Three Compasses,’ Gabi said, appearing beside her. ‘Want to come?’
The pub along the road was a regular haunt for some of the salsa students after class. Gabi had gone there on a Tuesday sometimes, but Anna had always made an excuse and headed home. It was clear from the way Gabi didn’t wait for an answer but busied herself putting on her jacket that she expected Anna to do the same tonight too.
