And then he was gone, cut off by the pad of her thumb on the glass of her phone screen.Goodnight, Anna.There had been no smile in that voice just for her. But there had been something. Something she couldn’t quite put her finger on.
Didn’t matter, though, she thought as she stood up, turned off the living room light and headed up the stairs. She wouldn’t be dialling that number ever again.
Chapter Nine
ANNA KEPT HER promise to herself – she didn’t call Spencer’s number again. Or, what turned out to be Spencer’soldnumber. She did, however, call the mobile phone provider and, after twenty minutes on hold and being rerouted through three different departments, finally the mystery was solved.
She’d been paying for Spencer’s mobile with a joint credit card she no longer used except for that bill. The account was still active, but the card had expired last September. She’d found an urgent email buried under five hundred other unopened messages in her inbox, warning her Spencer’s account would be closed in sixty days if a new payment source was not provided. When that hadn’t happened, his number had been reassigned.
It was her fault that tiny but vital connection to Spencer had been lost. Nothing spooky or supernatural. No act of God or fate or whatever it was that was laughing at her from above the clouds as it toyed with her life. Her own stupid fault. She wished she could rewind time and go back and read the buried email alert before it was too late, to get her lethargic backside into gear and call the phone company.
But she supposed if she’d had the power to do that, she’d have skipped over those inconsequential things and would have gone back to the day Spencer had died.Instead of yelling down at him to get a two-pint carton of milk when he went to the shop, she would have run down the stairs, stopped him as he was opening the door, pinned him against the wall and kissed him senseless. Thirty seconds was all it would have taken, and then that drunk driver would have been further down the road or all the way around the corner. None of this would have happened and she wouldn’t be living this nightmare.
That thought plagued her more and more as the next few weeks ticked past, leading up to 23 March, the third anniversary of his death. The Barry family had forgone their scheduled Sunday lunch two days earlier and were meeting up to mark the occasion, so Anna had taken the day off work. About eleven in the morning she climbed into her car and headed out of London.
She glanced up at the sky as the houses and shops melted into woods and farmland. It was grey and moody, threatening rain. Disappointing, but fitting. She had mixed feelings about the day ahead. The last two years, she’d met up with Spencer’s family and they’d all just assumed they would do the same today, but now she was thinking about it, she wondered if she’d have been better off spending the day on her own. A day to be quiet and reflect might have been just what she needed.
She sighed. It was too late to change plans now, anyhow. It would be insensitive – if not downright rude – to call and say she wasn’t coming.
Her phone was sitting in a mount on the dashboard and she glanced at it. What she really wanted to do was call her mum and get some emotional support before she arrived at her destination.It would be early in Nova Scotia – not long past breakfast time – and her mother might well be up and driving to work in the nearby city of Halifax.
But Anna had to walk a fine line with her parents. It might be different if they didn’t live on another continent, but they did, and she had to deal with that. Even though it had been three years, she knew they’d drop everything to come and visit if they felt she was struggling, but that just didn’t seem fair. They had their own lives, and she didn’t want her mother to jeopardize a job she adored.
In the end, she gave in and made the call. She could edit what she said, after all, and skirt around the really dark stuff that went on in her head, as she usually did.
‘Hello, darling,’ her mum said, and Anna could hear the dull rumble of traffic in the background. ‘I suspected I might hear from you this morning, but I was going to call later if I didn’t.’ She sighed. ‘I’ve been thinking a lot about Spencer myself the last few days. You know how much your father and I adored him. I can hardly believe it’s been three years…’
Anna sucked in a breath and blinked furiously, caught off guard by her mother’s words.
‘How are you doing?’ her mum asked softly.
‘I’m… managing,’ Anna lied, but then compensated with a bit of truth. ‘But I’m not really looking forward to today.’
‘Another trip to the crematorium and one of Gayle’s buffets?’
Anna grimaced. ‘No, thank goodness. I couldn’t have faced sandwiches and finger food again this year. Maybe that’s just as well. I’m starting to find going to Gayle and Richard’s a little… I don’t know… claustrophobic.’
‘Really? How so?’
Anna frowned as she concentrated on overtaking a car that was going half the speed of all the other traffic. ‘I’m not sure how to put it into words. You know how important it is to me to keep that connection with Spencer’s family, but sometimes I find Gayle a little bit distant. Maybe it’s just me…’ She trailed off to consider this. She had been out of sorts, ever since New Year’s Eve. That night, that call, had done it. Maybe she was just being oversensitive?
‘I get what you’re saying about Gayle,’ her mum said. ‘She’s always struck me as a little… structured.’
Anna chuckled softly. That was certainly one word for it.
‘I thought she was that type from the first time we all had dinner together, but my heart really went out to her after Spencer passed away.’ She paused for a moment and sighed. ‘I can’t even imagine how I’d react if I lost you, and I couldn’t judge her if she was being a bit, well, controlling, in those months after he died. People deal with things in their own unique ways.’
‘Yes,’ Anna replied thoughtfully as she turned onto the A21 and headed towards the coast. ‘Being in control… I suppose that is Gayle’s way of dealing with things. She likes her routines, her rituals.’ But so did Anna, so maybe she shouldn’t judge her mother-in-law for that. ‘Anyway, no mini Scotch eggs and fondant fancies today, thank goodness. She suggested doing something different.’
‘Gayle did? You do surprise me! But maybe it’s healthy that she’s decided to plan something different this year. It shows that perhaps she’s beginning to move on.’
‘Yes,’ Anna replied. She supposed that made sense, even though she didn’t think she’d seen much evidence of that in their fortnightly lunches,but maybe she should give Gayle the benefit of the doubt? She hadn’t always been quite thisstructured, after all. In the years before Spencer had died, she’d always been reserved, a little bit starchy, but she’d seemed softer, more ready to show her emotions. Anna had always thought she’d got on fine with her mother-in-law.
‘So, what are you doing today instead?’ her mum asked.
Anna brightened. ‘We’re going to Camber Sands,’ she said, smiling to herself.
‘In March?’
