THIRTY
Allison
The pain will come. Of that I am certain. My body will be sore but sated tomorrow.
But it’s my mind that feels truly impacted. It’s been quieted in the best possible way. I feel more free, more calm than I have in years. As if all the anxiety had simply lifted away, and now all that’s left is the weightless afterglow of pleasure. I snuggle into the warm hoodie covering me. It smells like my monster—smoke and pine and something uniquelyhim. After he ripped my clothes to tatters, he gave me a black hoodie ofhis that was strewn across the backseat to wear. It’s so cozy and comforting. He’s not getting it back anytime soon.
“You okay?” Garett asks from next to me. His fingers are entwined with mine across the center console, his thumb lovingly stroking the back of my hand. The gentle touch is both grounding and reassuring.
“Better than okay,” I affirm while leaning back and turning my head to smile at him.
He smiles back at me. Not the slow smirk of a predator in waiting, but a genuine smile. It’s affectionate, loving. My heart hums at the sight, and I know that despite the lies, the deception, the chaos, the pain, despite all of it, or perhaps because of it, I’ve fallen for him.
“I think I’m falling for you,” I whisper. My voice falters slightly with the vulnerability of my confession.
I haven’t said I love you with passion in years. With Brody, it was always a transactional moment of mutual acknowledgment. There was never emotion or the trepidation of fear. I knew that Brody would always say it back, and that neither of us truly meant it. I haven’t had family who have told me that they loved me, or another person who truly meant it since I was a child. And I’ve always just been okay with that—my routine, my job, my normal, boring life—it was enough. But now I’ve found something messy, and painful, and so deeply emotional that it’s shattered me. It broke down every wall I’ve built and I’m not sure I’ll be the same ever again.
“Good,” he simply states with a small squeeze of my hand.
“Good?” I ask incredulously. I try to pull my hand away but he tightens his fingers around mine, holding me tight.
His eyes stay focused on the road as he guides us through the entrance of his house. The large gate swings open as his car approaches. The rain is lighter now, still a steady patter against the roof, but not as strong as it was just a few hours ago when weleft. He navigates the car into the large garage before switching off the engine. I notice there’s several cars in here—including a red Audi that I swear I’ve seen before but I can’t place where from.
“What do you want me to say, Ali?” he asks, turning to face me while still clutching my hand. “You want me to say I’m falling for you too?”
His eyes narrow slightly as he assesses me. The softness has left, replaced by a simmering anger and calculated intensity that I’ve become accustomed to. My stomach flips as his sapphire gaze focuses on me.
“I can’t say that, my Beauty.” He moves to place his hands on either side of my face, pulling me into him until his forehead rests against mine. He’s been inside me, inside every possible opening in my body. But this feels surprisingly tender. “It would be a lie.” He lays a soft kiss against my lips even as I attempt to pull away. He holds me tight, refusing to let me go. A single tear rolls down my cheek as I feel my insides roll with uncertainty and the pain of being denied. “I’m not falling in love with you. I’vebeenin love with you. For me, there’s no gradual acceptance of this. You’re mine and I am yours, Allison Martin. Always have been and always will be. It’s just that simple, my love.”
I scoff as another tear rolls down my cheek. A hesitant smile pulls at the corners of my mouth.
“Just that simple?” I repeat his words back to him.
“Love is never simple, Princess.” He tenderly strokes my cheek with his thumb. “Love is messy; it’s painful and it’s raw.” His eyes scan my face, searching for my reaction. “But that’s what makes it real. It’s this obsessive, achingneedfor you that has driven me to do all this. I am who I am because of you—because of my love for you. I have been yours, heart and soul, since the moment I first laid eyes on you. And I would burn the world to ashes if it meant an eternity with you, my Beauty.”
I let his words process, swallowing down the growing lump forming in my throat. His possessive obsession should worry me, scare me off. But like a moth to a flame, I’m drawn to him inexplicably. I’d rather burn in his heat than go back to the life I had before. Before him, everything was black and white, and now it’s like the entire world is bathed in the brightness of his obsessive flames. I’m alive for the first time in years, woken from a sleep I wasn’t aware had settled in my soul.
“I’m obsessed with y—”
The sound of my phone ringing cuts me off. It landed somewhere on the floor during our…outing. But now, the shrill sound cuts through the silence in the cab, breaking whatever spell he’s wrapped around me. My head snaps down, scanning the black floor. The light of the screen glows from under my seat as I reach down to retrieve it. Holding the shrill sounding device out in front of me, I stare at the name flashing across the screen:
HUBBY.
My stomach drops. I’ve been living in this bubble with Garett, almost forgetting that I’m married. That I have a husband who inevitably would come looking for me—his wife. Discomfort makes me feel like my skin is crawling.
“Answer it,” Garett demands next to me. His jaw hardening and his eyes burning with fury.
“But—” I begin before snapping my mouth closed. The look he levels me with leaves the words dead on my lips.
With shaking fingers, I hesitantly move to press the answer button. Bile rises slowly in my throat but I swallow it down. Before I can react, Garett moves to hit the speaker button.
“He—hello?” I manage to get the words out despite my growing discomfort.
“Where the fuck are you?” Brody’s angry voice fills the small confines of the car. I flinch involuntarily. “It’s been weeks, Allison.”
Tears prick at my eyes and I’m not even sure why. He always makes me feel so small. I think it’s why I missed the red flags for so long—I was too busy trying to fade into the background. Out of sight, out of the way, out of the spotlight.
“I’m staying with…a friend.” My voice falters slightly and I cough to try to cover it up. He can’t know I’m here. “I thought I should stay out of the way while you and your parents figured out—”
