I repeat the breathing exercise, forcing myself to slow down. It’s a trick I learned long ago when I was a different me in an inferential lifetime. I thought I’d moved past the fear, the flight, the fury. But apparently, some things refused to stay buried, no matter how far down you dig the grave.
”Ali, you okay?” a deep voice asks from behind. A strong, steady palm lands on the small of my back.
I reflexively jump and spin, turning to look at the intruder. Piercing blue eyes stare back at me, worry swirling in his ocean irises.
“Gabriel,” I balk as I try to regain my composure. “What the hell are you doing here?” My words come out jagged and uneven as I fight to steady my ragged heart rate.
He looks slightly taken aback and a twinge of guilt runs through me. He doesn’t deserve my ire. He’s been nothing but nice to me. And yet, I can’t help feeling annoyed with everything right now. It’s not him, it’s the entire world. It’s the spiraling mess of my life.
“I was grabbing a beer with my friend.” He shrugs his shoulder casually, but I don’t miss the way his tight black sweater pulls taut against his muscular frame. Everything about him is imposing. “I saw you rush by and run outside. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.” He takes a step toward me, swiping a loose strand of hair off my cheek. His touch is light and sends shivers skittering down my skin. “I can leave you alone if you’d like.”
I swallow down the lump building in my throat and shake my head. I’m unable to form words as his scent wraps around me, intoxicating me with his smoke and pine flavor. My head swims and I feel unsteady on my feet. He leans in further, his hand landing lightly on my hip.
“Are you drunk, Ali?” His words whisper across my skin as he leans down toward me. His fingers lay teasingly on my hip. I want him to grip me, to feel his fingers dig into my flesh. It feels as though I might combust if he doesn’t truly touch me. But I don’t dare move.
“No,” I tell him softly as I stare into his stormy irises.
“Good,” he says as he leans closer, our lips barely a breath apart. “I’d hate for you to do something you’ll wake up and regret.”
“Like wh—” I begin to ask, but before I can even finish the words, his lips crash against mine.
My breath leaves my lungs for just a moment as surprise racks through me. His fingers grip my hip, pulling me to him as his mouth moves against mine. For a moment, I’m frozen in shock.
I shouldn’t kiss him back. It would be wrong, unfaithful, traitorous.
And yet, the moan that leaves my lips says otherwise. I melt against his touch, his affection, his desire. I let him pull our bodies flush. His tongue sweeps against my lips and I greedily open for him, desperate for more. The first swipe of his tongue against mine sends pleasure tingling down my core. I can’t remember the last time I’ve been kissed like this—like I matter.
“Ali,” he groans as he pulls back slightly.
I don’t let him get far. I reach up and grab the hair at the base of his neck, guiding his mouth to mine. His tongue twists with mine—claiming and demanding in its exploration. My entire body aches for more. With a firm hand on both my thighs, he lifts me. I let out a small grunt as he shoves my back against the brick wall behind us. With this new leverage, he moves to kiss and lick and nip at the column of my neck. It’s infuriating perfection. I never want him to stop, and yet, I want more, no—I need more.
“Gabriel,” I whine as I roll my hips.
He chuckles against my throat as he nips at my skin. It will probably leave a mark, yet I can’t seem to care when it feels this good.
“What’s wrong, pretty girl?” he asks between kisses and licks. “Need more?” He punctuates his question with a quick roll of his hips. The hardness of him grinds against my core, causing me to suck in a sharp breath.
“Please,” I whine. The voice that comes out is deep andneedy. It’s a voice I don’t even recognize.
His fingers leave my leg, finding my hand and holding his fingers in mine. He pins me against the wall with his hips as he stares down at me. His large frame blocks out the moonlight from above, bathing us in darkness. In this light he looks almost sinister, as if he’s here to tear me apart and watch as I fall into the depths with him. And yet, I can’t seem to stop myself from wanting to plummet into whatever darkness he might be offering.
“Show me,” he urges with his hand in mine. “Where do you want me to touch you?”
A beat passes while I wet my lips and gather my nerves. Slowly, I snake our combined fingers between our pulsating bodies. He growls when I slide our hands beneath the hem of my dress.
“Gabriel, touch me. Please?” I ask as I push his hand between my thighs, guiding him to where I need him most.
So slowly, with hesitance and reverence, he runs his knuckles along the seam of my panties. I mewl when the harsh corner of his bent finger grazes lightly across my core.
“Fuck, sweet girl.” He runs his fingers along my underwear quicker this time, pushing down slightly and causing my heart rate to skyrocket. “You’re soaked already. Do you want me to play with this pretty pussy?”
His fingers reach inside the edge of my panties, pulling them to the side and exposing me to the cold night air. I roll my hips, egging him on, but he refuses to move.
“I need to hear you say it, Ali. Tell me to touch you,” he demands.
I’m too far gone, in too deep. I couldn’t deny him even if I wanted to, but I certainly don’t want to. I want this, I want him, I want this madness.
“Gabriel, please touch me,” I whisper as I lean back slightly,allowing him to see beneath the skirt of my dress.
