“With all due respect, this is really unnecessary, mom.” Kenzo dropped his chopstick angrily. “Why do I have to do that? The man doesn’t even give a damn about some birthday wishes from a freak son he sent away.”
“I’m sure he will be happy if you do,” Mrs. Takahashi assured, her voice maintaining the same clinical softness even though Kenzo’s was a little grating. “Just wish him on his special day.”
“Sorry, but I’m not doing that.”
I let out a sigh at his stubbornness. As far as I was concerned, it wasn’t so much of a big deal. It was just a hey, hi, happy birthday, and that would be all. But then again, I was way too forgiving. It was almost a flaw. I saw Banks Awolowo across the hall yesterday and waved at him, smiled at him. I searched for anger and resentment towards him but couldn’t find none. I really couldn’t find any trace of both.
Maybe it was normal that Kenzo was still angry at his father who, as far as he was concerned, basically disowned him for being who he was.
Well, his father claimed he was ready to put the past behind them if Kenzo could, in Mr. Hashumi Takahashi’s term, ungay himself. But how does one stop being gay?
Perhaps, Mr. Takahashi viewed sexuality as a temporary stage. You had the freedom to identify as gay today and straight tomorrow.
Kenzo was 10 when his 12-year-old cousin outed him during a family dinner. The Takahashis were one of the most influential families in Japan, their wealth and power woven into the fabric of Tokyo and Kyoto. And with prestige came scrutiny, the eyes of the country always watching. Waiting for the slightest misstep.
They had built their legacy on control, on the illusion of perfection. There must be no room for scandal, no room for weakness and certainly, no room for the shame of a grandson who would one day bring home a husband instead of a wife.
So they sent Kenzo off to a far away land–Scotland.‘There are people like him there,’they said. ‘He will fit in until he comes back to his senses.’
But Kenzo was Rose Takahashi’s only child, the only thread tying her to that family. What use was she when her son was across the world, far away from her?
They sent her off to monitor her son and take care of him. It had been 8 years or thereabout. Rumor had it that Hashumi Takahashi had gotten remarried. Neither Kenzo nor his mom knew for sure yet. Rose was told to not come back until her son was normal again. Therefore, no one had confirmed the news of her husband’s remarriage. And Rose didn’t particularly enjoy talking about it. Because deep down, she didn’t want it to be true. She loved her husband, after all.
This was why she was so angry when Kenzo did what he wouldn’t normally do. Be violent. He was already ostracised for his sexuality. She was scared her son had added violence to it, furthermore smearing his image in the eyes of his father.
She was waiting for the time they would go back to Japan. She didn’t want anything going wrong.
But Kenzo, though, didn’t think he would ever go back, unless he became less gay. Which was impossible. His heart would never beat for a woman. And he would never spend the rest of his life caged, living a false life, living with someone he would never truly love.
Sometimes, he worried he might unknowingly have cost his mother happiness. But the issue was out of his control. He couldn’t become who he was not to save his mother’s marriage.
“Kenzo–”
“Hanatte oite okasan, Jesus Christ!”
Kenzo angrily kicked his chair backward, making me jump in my seat.
My gaze bounced between the mother and son. Kenzo was angry, his face red, while Mrs. Takahashi was frustrated and close to tears. The woman hated seeing her son so upset. He was her sunflower and he deserved nothing but joy.
“Where are you going?” Mrs. Takahashi asked as Kenzo whipped around, bounding away.
“Somewhere no one is going to disturb me to call my so-called father.” He worded father as though it was a poison on his tongue that he was dying to spit out.
Mrs. Takahashi’s eyes fell on his remaining meal and she motioned to it. “Semete tabe owatte.”
“I have lost my appetite,” he replied to whatever his mother said concerning his untouched meal, then turned his eyes to me. “I’m going to my room.”
“Okay.” I gave him a gentle nod, a kind smile lifting the corners of my lips.
I heard a rather agonising sigh from the table and my gaze flickered to Mrs. Takahashi.
The woman looked defeated. She always looked defeated. Life wasn’t the most fair to her either. A woman should not be forced to live far away from the man she married and loved. Awoman shouldn’t have to choose between her only son and her first love.
“Sorry about that,” I said on Kenzo’s behalf. “I’m sure he’ll come around. I’ll um, I’ll try to talk to him.”
“Thank you, Beth.” Her mood lightened, a smile gracing her lips. “I’ll really appreciate that.”
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