I knew. It started two months ago.
“It just happened,” I lied.
“Did Mr. McRae initiate contact outside of school hours?”
There was a pause. Mother’s words pressed into my skull. A warning bell ringing in my head. If I messed up. If I failed to-
“-Yes,” I heard myself say.
“How?”
“A message,” I stated confidently, even though the story felt so strange in my head. Yes, Mother was right sometimes. She had predicted the questions, made me rehearse until I memorised the answers.
“About what?”
“About school,” I answered, my chest tightening. “At first. And then…other things.”
“What kind of things?”
Encouragement. Comfort. Warmth. Words that made me feel less broken.
“He asked how I was,” I said instead. “If I was safe.”
I heard pen scratch against paper as someone scribbled things down–my confession, I assumed.
“Did he ever comment on your appearance?”
I swallowed.
“Yes.”
“In what way?”
“That I was special,” I said. “That I was different. Pretty…sexy.”
Rowan had never used that word.Sexy.
I could feel the tension in the room coiling tight, gazes sharpening.
“Did he ever ask you to keep the relationship secret?”
My mouth opened and closed.
“Yes.”
This one was slightly true.
“Did he tell you why?”
Mother sat right outside the door, waiting for me to be the actress she trained me to be just five minutes ago. If I failed, she had a thousand ways she could kill me and yet, I would still be breathing. I could almost feel her icy gaze digging into my skull, daring me to go off script.
“He said people wouldn’t understand,” I whispered, the words heavy on my tongue. “He said they would twist it.”
“Did he ever tell you he loved you?”
No. Not yet. And I wasn’t hoping to hear it either. I didn’t have the luxury to be greedy. I didn’t care if he loved me. He wanted me, that was all that mattered. Besides, Mother already said men would never love a girl like me. That there was a darkness inside me. No sane man would love a girl who was broken and possessed.
So I didn’t believe in being loved. I just wanted to be wanted…even if it was just for a moment.
