The poetry award was proof that there was once something I wanted and got it. I wanted to win and I won. I wanted to attend the Lochborne Academy of Arts so I could be closer to Kenzo and I did.
I actually won something in life.
But now, even that had been shattered. Everything I held dear would always shatter, be ripped right from my fingers.
Nothing would ever truly be mine.
???
I had come to a bitter conclusion that my existence was simply a glitch in the cosmos, a shock the earth couldn’t make room for.
Maybe this was the reason I had never really found a place where I felt like I truly fit in…never able to slip into the seam of belonging.
My home was an uncomfortable prison, a tiny box stripped of light and colors. And my school was like a party I wasn’t invited to yet showed up to anyway. The music played was not mine, the dance felt foreign yet everyone knew the steps. People chatted and laughed in cliques and I was left alone at the corner of the room with an empty cup, the drink long gone from the bowl because no one knew I would show up anyway.
This was my fifth year in Lochborne Academy of Arts. I could walk to any part of the school blindfolded without getting lost. I knew every crack in every wall by heart. The architecture wasso memorised that I could almost tell how many bricks were put together before this building could stand this tall.
All this and yet, the school’s cafeteria was still a foreign land to me. It would buzz like a hive, laughter and excited chatter drifting into the air, the smell of over fried potatoes clinging to clothes, but I would still be a ghost in the corner, never blending in, never able to absorb the cheer and life.
Then again, maybe I was the problem. Maybe it was never about belonging. If I didn’t fit in, perhaps it was me. I grew up believing everyone else was better than me. So I always made sure to stay in the shadows because places were better without me. No one needed my cursed spirit. My bad energy.
But I envied them. They laughed easily, ate easily, and lived easily. Yet I struggled for everything, had to fight for a half a slice. Like I was to life, an afterthought. Everyone else took the lion share and I was left with just the crumbs–
My thoughts were interrupted by the gasp that ripped out of my lips when something cold pressed against my left cheek. My hand flew to my face, the skin cold and moist against my palm.
A shadow chuckled behind me, soft and easy, then moved to stand in front of me. Dark brown eyes and a bright smile. Over jelled hair shining under the glow of the cafeteria light.
Banks Awolowo.
“What are you thinking about like that?” Banks asked, pressing the cold chocolate milk he had touched my cheeks into my palm, leaving it there. He didn’t wait for my invitation. He pulled out the chair across from me, sitting.
“Nothing.” My smile was forced but I hoped he didn’t notice. Or better still, I hoped he did. Maybe he would realise I didn’t want company. That I wanted to be alone. But then again I should have skipped lunch. The cafeteria wasn’t a place for solitude.
“I stood beside you for five minutes,” he chuckled. “You didn’t notice.”
His gaze dropped to the thin white bandage Kenzo had wrapped around my wrist in his car earlier.
“That must hurt.” A slight frown stretched across his face, his eyes filled with genuine concern. “Are you okay?”
“It was just a small cut.” I lifted the bandaged hand, cradling it to my chest. “Kenzo went overboard with the wrapping.” I added with a light chuckle. I didn’t want to be an object of scrutiny.
“Sorry–”
“–Your order has arrived, madame.” Kenzo failed at a French accent. He was at the table now, the smell of fries enveloping me.
Taking that as a cue to leave, Banks stood, his eyes falling on me briefly. Then he smiled, “See you around.”
“Yeah,” I whispered, raising the chocolate milk in his direction. “Thanks for this, by the way.”
“Anytime,” he flashed me a smile, then turned to Kenzo. “Practice later today, yeah?”
“Yes,” Kenzo replied, pulling out the chair Banks just stood up from. “Coach said after third period.”
“Alright.” He nodded, turning to me. “See you later, mami.” He patronised me with that charming wink of his before flipping around and striding away.
Mami,I turned the unfamiliar nickname over in my head, my gaze following him as he headed for the table he shared with his group of friends from the football team. He high-fived a few, they laughed about an inside joke, then he plopped on the empty seat, stealing a fry from one of the plates and popping it into his mouth. The action earned him a slight jab into the ribs by the owner of the plate, and Banks’ laughter rang across the room.
He was so goofy. And cute.
