“No, no, no, no.” I lunged forward, but it was too late. She had already slammed the device against the wall, the crack loud and final.
Something inside me split.
“You think this is talent?!” she screamed, grabbing my laptop. “You think this will save you? That it will make you independent? That you won’t need me anymore?”
I shook my head, hot tears blurring my vision. “M-mother, please stop. Please.”
She brought the laptop to the floor, bringing her heels to it, once, twice…violently.
My heart shattered.
“Everything you do…“ Her breathing was hard, uneven. “…is you preparing to abandon me.”
This was her truth, not mine.
She grabbed my phone next, fingers white-knuckled. “You talk to him through this, right? You show him your little drawings, imagining a future where he rescues you from your evil mother, right?”
“I’ve never asked him for anything,” I sobbed, my body trembling, pain curling tight in my chest as I struggled to breathe. “I didn’t ask him for anything. I didn’t–”
She charged towards me, striking me again, harder this time.
“I have been so lenient with you. Letting you do whatever you wanted. Not anymore. You don’t get a future.” She raised my phone mid-air. “Not with him. Not with anyone.”
The phone shattered when it hit the wall across from me.
“You stay here,” she finished. “Where I can see you. Where I can stop you from becoming like him.”
She was talking about my father.
“As from today henceforth, you are not allowed to think for yourself, make decision on your own, or think about men. You will not draw again in this house or write your silly little poems that makes you think stupid thoughts.” She was breathing so hard, face flushed with fury.
“You don’t need a dream, Beth Fraser. What you need is Mother. And Mother will always be here for you. Mother is the only one who knows what is best for you. Mother is the only one who loves you without condition. Mother is the only one who cares. Do you get that?”
I didn’t answer. Couldn’t speak, as a ringing echoed in my ears, the world spinning around me.
“Answer me!” she roared. “Do you hear me?”
“Yes.” My head bobbed, tears spluttering down my cheeks.
My body shook as the sound of my door being slammed shut rattled the walls, the pictures on the wall tilting.
I slid down to the floor, arms wrapped tightly around myself, surrounded by glass and shattered screens. Surrounded by the truth that suffocated me.
Mother wasn’t afraid of me turning out like my father.
She was afraid of me being free.
She wanted me to be stuck with her forever.
She wanted to control me.
She wanted a puppet.
33
BETH
Liar.
