"You didn't deny that he's your man," Briggs says, cocking his head to the side. "We're going to talk about that later."
"No, we're not."
"We are. He hit Tye."
"Tye deserved it." I stick my tongue out at him.
"Don't doubt it," he chuckles before turning to our mother, his expression going hard. "Mother."
"Briggs, dear." She flashes him a bright smile, patting the seat beside her. "Come sit beside me."
He mutters a curse under his breath, shooting me a look.
"Sorry," I mouth.
He just shakes his head before striding across the box to sit beside her. She launches into a complaint, which I immediately tune out, turning back to the field.
Sidney is on the sidelines, talking to their coach. I'm not sure if he feels my eyes on him or what, but he turns, looking directly up at the box. It feels like he's looking right at me.
I place my hand on the glass, my heart in my throat.
"You've got it so bad," Vanessa says softly.
I drop my hand, wheeling to face her. My cheeks are hot, my heart pounding. I don't deny it, though. I can't. The truth is…Idohave it bad. So freaking bad.
I sink into the chair beside her with a groan. "Is it that obvious?"
"Just a little bit." She just grins at me, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. "You look happy, Hattie. Are you happy?"
"I am." I peek over at her, swallowing hard. "It feels too good to be true."
"Why?"
My eyes dart toward my mother, who is still complaining about something to Briggs. Judging from the pissed look on his face, probably me. She's clearly already decided that I'm fully responsible for Tye and Sidney's fight, as if they're puppets on my strings.
Briggs mutters something to her, silencing her. I can't hear what he says, but she pales slightly, her gaze darting to me and then away.
I pretend not to notice, but Vanessa isn't easily fooled. She knows how things are with my mother. Tye refuses to leave Vanessa alone with her, just in case Mom gets any wild ideas about what she is and isn't allowed to say to his fiancée.
"Sometimes, the hardest part about the good things is learning to trust them," Vanessa says softly. "When you've lived with the bad shit for so long, you start to expect it. You get stuck in survival mode, and it feels like the good stuff is a trap."
"Yeah," I whisper, nodding.
"It's a lie, Hattie," she says gently. "It's what you've conditioned yourself to believe so you don't crash every time the rug gets pulled out from underneath you."
She's not wrong. I've gotten so used to being the one who never fit here that it feels…dangerous…to believe that I can finda place in this world, like I'm setting myself up for failure or something. And more than anything, I don't want to fail. I want to believe that I can keep the cranky, beautiful man who talks to me like I'm the most important thing in the world and looks at me like he's never seen anything more perfect.
I didn't mean to fall for him, but I think maybe I was lying to myself all along. I never really stood a chance of faking it with him, of pretending he was mine temporarily without giving him my heart. I think we both know I asked him for help because it had to be him…because there was no one else I could imagine at my side. And I think we both know that's because, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I already had feelings for him.
I tried to bury them. I tried like hell to convince myself that he wasn't my type. But really, all I was doing was trying to give myself an out—a reason to keep hiding. I've gotten so good at it that it's second nature. If I never try, if I just stick to the fringes, it hurts less. I can pretend it doesn't matter.
It's always mattered. It's never been okay. And I'm not sure how to undo the lifetime of damage that's been done. I think some of those wounds will linger for the rest of my life. But today—right now—some feel healed in a way they never have before. I feel more confident than I ever have. It's not because of what Sidney said last night, either.
It's because of the way he looks at me. It's the way he holds me. It's the way his voice and his words are slowly replacing my mother's. It's the way he never wavers or hesitates. I'm stronger because he makes me want to be stronger. He makes me want to stand proudly at his side and say that this is who I am, and if I'm good enough for him, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?
I never stood a chance with him. I thought I did. I thought we could make it through the wedding and go back to life like usual. But there is no life like usual after Sidney. There's just Sidney.
Maybe this is dangerous. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure. But I'd rather fail epically than not give him my whole heart and see where it leads.
