With a laugh, he kissed my bare shoulder. “Baby, I haven’t asked you anything yet.”
Handing the unopened box back to him, I shifted out of his hold and off the bed. I grabbed my underwear, pulling them on.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his tone amused.
“Leaving.”
He had the nerve to laugh as he got up from the bed and pulled on his gray sweatpants. “I knew you’d freak out,” he said, reaching for me, but I pulled from his grasp. “Let’s talk this through.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. We should’ve never—I should’ve never.” I quickly put on my shirt, then tugged my pants from the floor and pulled them on before taking a seat on the edge of the bed, socks and boots in hand. I pulled on my socks first and said, “I worked my ass off to get where I am, Benson, and I’m not giving it up for you or anyone else.”
“I’m not asking you to. I would never ask you to give up your job for me. I’m saying that I will. For you.”
God, I was so stupid. This is all my fault. I should have known better. I should have known better than to fuck my boss. I should have known better than to think this could be casual. I realized after our first time together. Hell, after the first time I kissed him. I was aware of the consequences if we got caught. But none of that stopped me. That’s why a year later, I was still in his bed.
Now my heart was in a tangled mess. Even if he were to quit and I stayed, the fallout from this would ruin us both, especially me. What would people think? What would they say? It’s hard enoughfor a woman to succeed in this male-dominated field. If my superiors found out I was sleeping with my boss, I would be finished. I’d worked too hard to get here. Not to mention what my father would say. Oh God, he had plans to run for senator in the next election. If this got out…
My pulse raced. The thought alone made my throat close.
“I can’t let you do that.” I needed to reason with him, to make him understand, but the panic rising within me was a living beast, beating all logic from my brain.
“And I already told you that it’s not your choice. I’m sorry, the ring was too much. We can table it for now. I’ll wait until you’re ready. But I do want to marry you, Karmen. It’s all I fucking think about. I want a life with you, and we can decide together what that life looks like. I know you’re not a traditional girl. Hell—I’m not a traditional guy. I just know that I fucking love you and I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
Fear, unlike anything I’ve ever known, gripped me so tightly that I could hardly find a breath. I couldn’t think beyond the consequences of what we were doing, and there was no good outcome. No outcome where we rode off into the sunset together and lived happily ever after. That didn’t exist for people like me.
“Are you saying you don’t feel the same?”
The hope in his eyes was my undoing, but this had to end. It was for the best.
For both of us.
I pushed to my feet, slipping past him to grab my gun and duffel. I was one step from the door when his hand locked onto my arm, forcing me to face him.
His eyes glistened with unshedtears.“Karmen, please,” he pleaded, voice catching. “Don’t go. Talk to me.”
The desperation in his voice broke something inside of me.
“It’s over,” I whispered with finality.
This was too much. It was all too much. I hated myself for not being stronger, for not telling him how I truly felt about him, because I knew deep down that I would never love anyone as much as I loved him.
“You’re afraid.” His jaw ticked as he released me, all the color draining from his handsome face.
He was right. I was terrified. I was afraid to walk away from the only true love I had ever known, but I was even more afraid of what would happen if I stayed.
My heart cracked in half, but I ignored the pain and whispered brokenly, “Goodbye, Benson.”
My head feels like it’s been hit with a sledgehammer. The pounding ache is unrelenting as I shift to sit up in bed, blinking several times against the rising sun. I glance down, wondering how the hell I managed to get undressed and neatly drape my uniform over the chair in the corner, given how shitfaced I was last night. Then it all comes flooding back to me.
Karmen.
She was here, in my apartment.
“We’ll find out who’s doing this. I promise.”
“Fuck,” I grit through clenched teeth, clutching my throbbing head. I let my liver handle what my heart couldn’t last night, now my head is paying the price.
I throw on a pair of sweatpants, take a piss, then head to the kitchen in search of some pain relievers. I’m downing my second glass of water when my door slowly swings open, and Karmen walks in, holding a tray with two coffees.
