Words cannot describe what losing her would do to me. Even right now, not knowing where she is, if she’s hungry or worse, if she’s hurt, my heart feels like it’s being carved out of my chest. There’s a hollowness in the pit of my stomach that tells me I won’t be able to go on without her. She’s the reason I breathe, the reason I live.
Without her, I’m nothing more than an empty shell.
Standing on the front porch, I look out into the dark night. Caroline has been missing for close to seven hours. My house is full of my friends and family, Rachel and Will, my parents, Gwynn, but I can’t be around them right now. I’m too upset, too angry. All I want to do is scream up to the star-littered sky.
Why?
Haven’t I endured enough?
I hear the door open but I don’t turn around. I know who it is when his firm fingers massage my tense shoulders. “You okay?”
Shaking my head, I swallow past the permanent knot in my throat.
He exhales a long sigh. “Mama made some soup, you should come inside and try to eat.”
“I’m not hungry,” I say, shrugging from beneath his comforting hands.
I don’t want his comfort. Not when my baby girl is out there all alone with no one to comfort her.
“You need to keep your strength up. Caroline will need you when she gets home.”
“How do you know she’s coming home, Linc? God knows where she is or who she’s with. I’m going out of my mind right now. I have no idea if she’s hungry or hurt or…”
I can’t even finish the sentence. I can’t allow myself to go down that road. Panic claws at my throat, strangling me.
Linc reaches for my hand but I jerk it away and attempt to go back inside but I’m spun around and pulled against his chest. I fight the urge to wrap my arms around him but once I’m enveloped in the warmth of his embrace, I give in to the need.
Linc strokes the back of my head. “She’s gonna be okay. I promise.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Yes, I do. She’s strong, just like you. She can survive anything.”
“I shouldn’t have left her. This never would have happened if I had been here.”
“Syl, don’t do that to yourself. This isn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it is. I wasn’t here to protect her. God, I don’t know if I can do this. I can’t lose her.”
He leans back and takes my tear-stained face between his hands, wiping away the moisture beneath my eyes. “Listen to me, you’re not gonna lose her. They’ll find her. They will.”
My forehead falls to his chest on a silent prayer, hoping he’s right.
I’m not sure how long we stand locked together. It feels like hours. Maybe days. It’s only when my cell phone rings from my back pocket that I pull away. Dani’s name lights the screen and relief floods my body briefly before dread steals it away. I’ve tried to call her nonstop for the last two hours but couldn’t reach her. I hold the phone to my ear with a shaky hand. “Hello?”
“Mama?”
I grip Linc’s shirt, my knees weakening beneath me. “Caroline? Oh my God, baby, where are you? Are you okay?”
“Mama, Aunt Dani won’t wake up,” Caroline cries out and my heart slams against my ribcage.
“Where are you?”
“With Daddy.”
Fear sweeps through me, knocking the wind from my lungs. It takes me a few precious seconds to find my voice. I keep it low and calm, trying not to frighten or upset her more than she already is. I feel so helpless right now. “Are you at the cemetery, Caroline?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
