Her eyes flicker with pain, corroding the remainder of my lifeless heart.
I have to save her.
She swallows hard, licking her lips. “You don’t have to do this. Think about Caroline. Think about what this will do to her.”
Caroline.
I don’t want to leave her behind either, and I silently thank God she’s not here. I’m afraid of what would happen if she were.
She’ll be better off without me.
They both will be.
“Why are you doing this?” she begs, her voice raw and weak.
“It’s the only way I can set you free.”
I’m not stupid. I know my wife, better than anyone. And I know why she wants to leave. I can’t blame her. But I’ll never be able to let her go and live in this world without her.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a brief moment, battling with my intense need to end her life before I take my own. I think of my precious Caroline and for once in my life, I try not to be the selfish bastard I’ve always been.
Pushing her away, she falls to the floor, then I press the cold tip of the barrel to my temple.
There is no hesitation.
No fear.
Only peace of mind knowing that I’ll finally be free.
And so will she.
Sylvie frantically shakes her head, fear heady in her bloodshot eyes. “Please. God. Please don’t do this.” But her whispered prayer falls on deaf ears for I can’t hear anything but the final beats of my tortured heart.
A lone tear leaks from the corner of my eye before I utter my final words, cocking the hammer with a resounding click. “I love you.”
Past
Calla lilies rest upon his shiny black casket, adding a breath of life to the death that fills the room. They are perfectly sprayed, fanning out in every direction. I focus on the flowers, the curve of the white petals, their pureness.
Their beauty.
The irony does not escape my morbid mind. My mother helped me make arrangements, which was a feat in itself considering I’ve been dealing with my own inner turmoil.
It could have been both of us being buried today.
Caroline squeezes my hand, pulling my attention from the flowers. Her eyes find mine, seeking comfort and understanding. But how can I offer her either when I don’t even understand it myself.
I am empty.
Numb.
Blocking out the pain takes all of my strength so I have none to spare.
I couldn’t save him.
I let her down.
I let him down.
