He’s silent for a moment before he finally responds, “She’s a good woman. She deserves a man who will love her with his whole heart. Cherish her. Give her the life she’s always dreamed of. I couldn’t give that to her.”
“Why not?”
“Because the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do was hold her and love you. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was lying to her, to myself. There’s only one woman I’ll ever want and that’s you.”
A spark of happiness flares in my chest with his words and the selfish part of me is so incredibly grateful for this man’s unrelenting loyalty and love, but then I’m reminded of the severe reality that I’m not what he needs, and I’m definitely not what he deserves.
“I need to get dressed before Caroline gets home,” I say, standing up, trying to mask my feelings.
He doesn’t say anything else as I go into the bathroom and shut the door, sliding down the hard wood to a heap on the floor, praying for the day when it doesn’t hurt so goddamn much.
When I finally emerge, I feel somewhat better, and deep down I know it’s because of him.
Because he’s here.
Regardless of if I want to admit it or not, I do need him. Linc has always been there, for every single good and bad moment in my life. Whether he was hundreds of miles away or right here, he’s always been there.
This is no different.
Linc is in the kitchen on the phone when I come down. His back is facing me as he leans forward on the counter. “Are you still nauseous?” he asks, and I surmise he must be talking to Gwynn. There’s a long moment of silence before he finally speaks again. “When is that appointment again? I haven’t asked her yet but I will. I know, Mom, I know. All right, I’ll be home later. Get some rest. I love you, too. Bye.”
He shoves the phone into his front pocket and spins around. “How is she?” I ask, my stomach twisted in knots.
“She’s been real tired lately but she doesn’t let it slow her down. I have to stay on her constantly to get rest. She only agreed to take leave from her job because I threatened to go up there and haul her ass out myself. That woman is as stubborn as you are.”
“I am not stubborn.”
Linc bursts into laughter, the sound deep and familiar, tickling my spine.
I love his laugh. It’s so genuine. Contagious. It never fails to elicit my own, no matter how hard I try not to.
“You’re the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met.”
“I can say the same about you. Well, except the woman part.”
He laughs again.
“She wants you and Caroline to come over for dinner Saturday night.”
Shame washes over me, reminding me of the time I’ve lost with her. There are so many things I’d change if I had the chance to do it all over again. I just hope Gwynn has found it in her heart to forgive me.
“I’d love that.”
He frowns, walking toward me. “You okay?”
I shrug, my eyes falling to the floor. “I don’t know.”
Closing the distance between us, his soft green eyes hold mine. I feel so raw beneath his gaze. He can see all the things I try to hide so there’s no use in even trying. His fingers lift my chin, forcing me to meet his eyes once more. I find comfort and understanding there, and something I thought I lost a long time ago.
Myself.
“You’ll get through this, and what’s waiting for you on the other side will be worth the climb. Trust the journey, baby, and trust me to help get you there.”
“I do trust you. I always have. It’s just…it still hurts so much. I’m tired of hurting, Linc. I’m just so tired.”
“I know, baby. I know it hurts. There’s nothing I can do about the pain. You have tofeelit, Syl. You have to feel it so you can live it and move on. But you have to try. Avoiding me and avoiding life isn’t gonna make it go away. You have to face this.”
“I know,” I whisper, my heart squeezing with agony in my chest.
